I'm an older Millennial. Autism was not a word we used when I was young. As a young parent I had autism described as a very specific set of negative behaviors, because autism was defined by the problems it caused (same as ADHD). But that's not accurate.
A lot of neurodivergence isn't what people picture when you say autism or ADHD. A lot of the behaviors and experiences that people picture are neurodivergence under extreme stress. It's like defining hunger as being near death because of starvation.
And I don't 100% subscribe to the idea that there is ND and NT like some binary code. I think it's far likely that we have a range of neurotypes and several of the more common workplace neurotypes have defined themselves as NT because that's their worldview as of 1930-something.
So I've spent more time recently listening to people describe autism in their terms vs clinical terms. And we're finally reaching a point where autistic people with well-balanced and healthy lives are common enough that we're seeing their stories come to light.
It's a familiar story.
In years past I've looked at the diagnosis, looked at my kids in good times, looked at the public verdict, and shrugged. It's not autism as I was taught to look for it.
But, if it is and my kids are only thriving because of systems I put in place mostly for myself... what does that mean?
I'm neurospicy, and I know that.
I have a checklist for ADHD and the only reason I wasn't diagnosed is because it was common for kids growing up in my era to be literally worked to death in school and I thrived on neglect, four hours of sleep, and hyperfixations.
So, while I'm exploring my health and looking at all the fun co-morbidities that I lost control of when my doctor took me off iron and my regular meds, I'm trying to factor in how much I need to know to get appropriate healthcare for myself.
We have two kids who doctors have said are autistic, and they exhibit very autistic traits under stress. But, when calm and in control of their environment... they're just like me.
And then people are surprised they're autistic.