It looks like our oldest and biggest Koi died today. Despite the fact I eat fish and used to enjoy fishing, I'm really upset about this. I feel terrible.
@Jeber It's okay to mourn the loss of a special individual. It never gets old for me when one of my birds dies, and I regularly process them.
What helps me stomach it is appreciating all of the things that the animal has done for me - all the good days, all the memories.
@KillrBunn3
I'm just having issues dealing with all the death involved with getting old. My entire immediate family is dead, my best friend of over 40 years is dead, my favorite dog of all time is dead...it borders on being intolerable at times.
@Jeber
I think those whom we loved and lost, bequeath to us their story. We are left behind to re-tell the stories and the heartbeats that lived them. It is a heavy burden and an awful privilege. It is also a humbling source of gratitude. I have lost a lot of friends and family, including my Dad in August of 2017.
@publickovacs @KillrBunn3
That's a sweet way of looking at it.
@Jeber
I have seen a friend a few hours before death last December. I saw my grandmother draw her last breath. My soul dog died in my arms in 2016. His lieutenant, the most perfect dog ever, died in my arms in 2019. Death stopping a beloved heart is scarring. I offer you a fellowship of the scarred. We can do this.
@publickovacs @KillrBunn3
Cleo died in my lap on the bathroom floor at 2am. Oddly, it didn't make her death easier or worse to bear. I was in the Army and when living in Idaho, I used to volunteer at the local shelter, which involved putting animals down. Death itself doesn't phase me. It's the emotions that accompany certain deaths I have trouble with.
I really like that. My grandma died with very little, but her funeral was a picnic and wearing black was forbidden. It resulted in an incredible thing - people laughed, joked as if she was still there.
A lot of cultures that venerate the dead seem to have a much healthier relationship with death. I hope that when I go people will be like that, I hope there will be a rainbow of colors and stories when they think about me.
@KillrBunn3 @publickovacs @Jeber beautifully said
@KillrBunn3 @publickovacs @Jeber I love that idea!
@Jeber I'm really sorry. I can understand that being a painful thing to witness, and I can't even imagine seeing it more regularly like you are. It sounds like you're dealing with a ton.
I don't know how I'd react - I'm barely to a quarter of a century - but I think I'd be in much the same position as you. I hope you can find some peace in little things today.