Good news: we found a place to house mom. She loves it & dad is totally on board. Just spent the afternoon w/mom talking about family history & memories, as much as we could, while dad got some time to complete the paperwork.
This is fucking awesome. I'm so glad. Mom's needed memory care for a while now & it seemed like dad was in some denial about her needing it, & didn't know what to do. Well he can't care for her on his own, she needs more intensive care than he can provide, so thank Athena Hygeia, we found a good place. & reserved a room.
It's hard. She's sad about that. & she's still really positive about moving. She's really excited to do things like decorate, & choose her bedding & the pictures she wants to hang on the wall, & all the things she'll get to do while she lives there.
I'm heading over to their house tomorrow to help mom pack the stuff she wants to take. Dad's already got plans to clean up the house after mom is moved, & put stuff away, donate stuff, work on projects he can't do while she's there... stuff like that.
I'm debating getting her a pillow with dad's face printed on it & spraying a bit of his fave cologne on there or something... might be too weird. Maybe good to wait & see how much she misses him once she's moved in.
Maybe she'll be too busy to miss him! I kind of hope that's the case. She seriously needs mental stimulation dad can't provide. & dad needs a HUGE break, & to be able to work on their house on his own.
I'm kind of tired now. Withdrawing, which is what I do.
Well done. Wishing the best for all three of you.
@Impious_Jade It'll be off and on for a while, saying that while knowing that every person is different...
@mims Yeah I figure she'll be bouncing back & forth between sad & just fine for a while as she gets used to it. Transitions for someone w/Parkinson's dementia is a trip, I tellya...
@Impious_Jade blessings
@mims Thank you. :)
@Impious_Jade
Tip o the hat / YW.
@Impious_Jade
Interesting idea! For my mom who l think had more advanced cognitive issues. We printed out 4x 6” photos, put some text on the back “ this is Karen, MaryRose’s daughter who lives in Toronto. Then we got them laminated. We put the pile in a plastic container, they were a comfort for my mom, and a reminder ( for her and staff ) of how many folks loved her
@KarenSohne I love that! Mom has already picked out photos she wants to take & hang on the wall in her room, so I'll probably put stickers on the back with info like that. & I"m working on scanning lots of old family photos, so will probably put some albums together for her.
@Impious_Jade Best wishes to your whole family as this change unfolds. Your dad will need lots of love to maintain his balance, mom will be mostly busy and hopefully will maintain the best balance that she can. Hoping you have a counselor (or us!) to talk with to help you maintain YOUR mental and emotional balance. You're all doing your best! Let me know if you want to chat.
@mims Thank you! Sis & I are working hard w/the memory care staff to make sure both mom & dad have support. It's a process & man it's hard, there's so much stuff to take care of. I think it'll be so good for both of them tho'. They'll be able to focus on doing *good stuff* together instead of dad struggling & mom not having the right kind of care.
@Impious_Jade Our family went through something like this when my DH's mom (dear husband's mom ) finally accepted going into memory care. She was there til she passed 9 years later. It was a whole thing for many in the family. I was off to the side but watched it all. Please take care of yourself! And your sis. As the youngers in the tableau, it behooves you to have your OWN support(s). ✨💖✨🫂
@Impious_Jade this is a very rough thing for your mom and dad to have to process. It brought to mind one of my mom’s roommates who also dealt with advanced dementia. Georgina’s husband came daily to help her with lunch. Once the aides got her cleaned up and settled in bed for a nap, her husband would lie down beside her for a nap too
@KarenSohne I love that, somehow, people still keeping connections with one another. Dad won't be able to stay over with mom, but he can visit all the time, & take her out, & go for dates again, & stuff like that.
@Impious_Jade that was post lunch naps, don’t know if there were actual overnights
what a huge achievement and relief for your whole family. excellent resolution to what is a difficult episode, and one that we all have to go through eventually.
@northernbassist Thank you! Definitely an enormous relief. So good to know mom'll be cared for, dad can have a break, & everyone in the family can now enjoy spending time with mom without having to worry about the majority of caretaking.
it takes an enormous toll on everyone in the family, no matter how well intentioned they are. Now, her daily care is taken care of and, you know that should an emergency arise, precious minutes are saved by having emergency personnel right there. hope it's as smooth a transition as it can be for everyone.
& she's totally stoked about moving in. The only sad thing that gets her is it's finally dawning on her Parkinson's-muddled mind that dad can't move in with her. :(