This adventure I've been having with the pharmacy & insurance co. is part of what living with #depression looks like.
#depression is a whole-body disease. It isn't just mood, tho' mood is usually affected too. For me the mood issue is a combo platter of either crippling, weepy lability or absolutely deadened, endless gray apathy. It's like living in a fog, going through the motions, not really giving a shit about anything because you literally *can't*.
#depression hits your whole body though. & it's different for everybody. Some people have a lot of physical pain with it, others don't. Some gain a lot of weight, others lose. Some have anxiety along with it, others don't. Some have fatigue, others have insomnia, still others have both. (I have both, WHEEEEE SO FUCKING FUN.)
There are about a bazillion meds on the market nowadays to treat it, & finding the right med for #depression is a bit like Russian roulette, in that if you get the wrong med there is a non-zero chance that it'll make you suicidal, or make any present suicidality worse.
Some #depression is completely intractable. Some is highly treatable. Some is short-term or short-lived, especially if it's a reaction to some traumatic or painful thing that happens to a person - like grief that gets stuck.
Mine's intractable. I've been on probably over two dozen meds (including supplements) in the past 40 years. Some worked for a while then stopped, some never worked, some were great, buuuuuut....
...they were great until my insurance co. decided to stop covering them, or I lost my job, or moved, & had to start all over again with new docs & new meds & new insurance (or NO insurance). #depression
#depression also affects things like executive function, including the ability to activate yourself - not sure what it's called, but just the ability to say "Hm, I'mma do this thing" & then just *get up* & do that thing.
There's a name for that activation thing. It isn't motivation either, it's something slightly different. Tho' #depression does also impact motivation for a lot of people too.
@Impious_Jade I think this is a core issue well described.
@TheresaVermont Thanks. I know there's a term for it, I just can't remember it.
@Impious_Jade Even without the label, you described the feeling so accurately.