AMA about trans life from an out of the closet transmasc person! Fire away! Gonna keep this going until the 19th. #AMA #TransAwarenessWeek
@PaganMother
My 16 year old (she/they) born female has been feeling out their gender identity. As a cis mom in my early 50s, I may not understand everything, but I support that she understands how she feels. When she asked for a binder, I bought them two. When she asked for a tux instead of gown, no hesitation. She seems to be more gender fluid than trans, but not sure. Unfortunately, they got my busty genes, so sometimes she likes them, other times they annoy her (continued)
@PaganMother
(Sorry so long) What I do understand because I experienced it growing up: I was "a tomboy". Often carrying myself, acting, dressing and talking in a stereotypical male expression. I was teased for it but always just thought it was because I was punk, poor and had to fight to be safe n the street. Now I see it may have been more but I identify as a woman now. It was just easier. My questions: how do you advise I best support my kid to enable their journey find their true self?
@Aja Well, you are alright on a great start with opening the doors to listen and understand, that's the biggest and most challenging hurdle to leap honestly as a parent of a trans kid. My own family, well, I was traumatized into the closet at age 8, didn't get a chance to really know or understand my own gender identity until I was well into my mid 30's. Most of my blood relations are no contact with me due to their abuse and enabling the abusive cycle, my immediate family all are supportive./1
@Aja As for them coming out to their father, if he is accepting and understanding of LGBTQ, he'll likely be a very good one to speak to about their identity. If anything, he might even take on the role as male role model to help them figure things out in the masculine mindset and behaviors in masculine spaces. I hadn't worn any corsets I'm afraid, I barely wear skirts without feeling uncomfortably awkward. /2
@Aja Well, wearing a binder to school might not be a bad idea, however they might want to take it off in the afternoons when they get home to let their skin breath and not to damage their chest muscles and tissues with long term wear. A looser wear won't be as effective for a bind that's conforming to their gender identity, so limited wear is advised. I grew up in the early 80's to 90's so transgender was almost profane basically in my families household until I left home at 17. /3
@Aja I knew I was off the scales of what is normal in sexuality, but gender identity was very much a blank until I was well past my teen years. I think your child is very lucky to have a parent open and willing to learn and understand what exploring it is like. My own were very...well, limiting, and very much sheltered myself and my two younger siblings from really exploring anything until we were old enough to live on our own./4
@PaganMother did you have to mask or whatever it's called? Did you have anywhere that you'd feel safe just expressing yourself and feeling good?
@Aja But when I am safe, and my family isn't at risk, yes, I get such a grin with being able to wear a good pair of jeans, flannels, and a nice cozy ballcap. Hell, I even get the whiskers but I think that's my aging catching up with me. I'll eventually be on hormone treatments, but for now, it's mostly my age and genetics bringing some peachfuzz to my face. (My partner finds it tickles so I let it grow out a bit to tickle him sometimes.)
@PaganMother that's adorable! I'm so glad you have a partner that not just supports you but loves you for who you are. I'm a cis hetero woman in my 50s and haven't had that yet! That's a keeper 😉
@PaganMother ugh. Are y'all doing ok with everything after the election?
@Aja For now, yes, we're keeping a close watch on our neighbors (Most of them live about a 1/6th of a mile away, so not super worried about trouble stirring up.), and fighting the good fight locally, being open door with the local officials and putting out letters to my reps in my state often enough to have a voice.
@Aja Yes, for the most part I do, I live in a pretty rural red area of Michigan, and well some folks out here think anyone that isn't outwardly matching their gender identity is a "freak" and I have to protect myself and my family from getting targeted by the hate and ignorance out here, so stealthing is the best I can do.