I’m never here. I should be, but I sort of forget. But time and time again you’ve shown to be the most supportive group I’ve found on the internet.

There’s just something I want to get off my chest.

My wife and I were expecting our first baby a few days ago. She miscarried very early on. All that pain came sweeping back. Oh how I long to hold that child in my arms.

Some part of me is still terrified it was my fault somehow- even if I just missed a warning somewhere. Some part of me worries that she was too scared to go through with it, and too scared to tell me that.

I know it was lost months ago, but I became attracted to…that spirit…and to the idea that I’d finally have a child of my own, and some part of my longs to…commemorate that in some way, but I don’t really know what would be…fitting.

It’s been a very hard couple of days, with a lot of feelings I don’t know how to express.