Learning to say "no", learning to put myself first, learning to value myself and my place in the world took way too long.
I always set myself apart from others because I was way different than my peers not only in how I saw the world around me, but also how I understood how other people saw it. In middle school I went though some ... terrifying revelations about reality that nearly landed me in a "facility" before finding my footing and learning to navigate it all.
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According to my journals I was 12 when I first started noticing that everyone had their own realities that they lived in and that there was no amount of LOGIC that could ever connect them to one another. I believed that being the best person I could be, across ALL of those realities was the best way to live ... the best way to avoid conflicts and other people's madness; if I was the same person to all people ... of course that was naive and ridiculous ... because people are ... not well.
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𝘐𝘧 10 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 3 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘖𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘪𝘢𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺? 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦’𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵. 𝘛𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥, 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦.
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@thewebrecluse I would say that’s more about them than you. Unless you’re old then you’re invisible to everyone.
@VelvetDuchess I was 12 so that wasn't something I understood clearly at the time 😆
@thewebrecluse Oh to be twelve again,
@VelvetDuchess 🤣 I wouldn't want that for all the world ❤️ I barely survived that period of time.
@thewebrecluse 💜 Same dear heart same.