When I was a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft.I refused to believe he could do such a thing,but when I got home,the signs were all there.
Lost my job at the bank on my first day.A woman asked me to check her balance,so I pushed her over.
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of chapstick.She still isn’t talking to me.
My three favourite things are eating my family and not using commas.