Wait no--found it! It's this guy: https://www.dell.com/en-us/work/shop/desktops-all-in-one-pcs/vostro-5880-desktop/spd/vostro-5880-desktop/cav5880w10ph03b7
Coupon code DBPRDT1 brings it down to $699.
@thereg001 Right? I mean, I can understand if Texas is still messed up right now, but don't play w/my emotions like that! It would have been awesome to have the weekend to set it up...
As of this morning, the box is in Seattle. Woot!