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Just bought these for the rest of autumn (although I'll wear them as often as I can) 😁 πŸπŸ‚

Me: I think my blood might be haunted.

Doctor: What?

Me: It's full of hemogoblins.

Incomplete knowledge is better than complete ignorance.

Remember on Sunday to turn your clocks back one hour.
Then remember on Tuesday NOT to set the country back 50 years.

My love for her was like a lit candle.

If I forgot about her, she'd burn my house down.

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse.

I'm going to grow some goth maize.

Or as I like to call it, corn on the macabre.

I wouldn't say that I'm a bad cook, but the other day I walked into my kitchen and saw a cockroach eating a Tum.

My brain has many things to hold and no pockets.

The Wife: So...how big are you? 😏

Me: 5'10.

The Wife: No, I mean in bed. 😜

Me *thinks for a second*: Still 5'10, but sideways.

The only care
That I shall share
Shall be the care of others,
And on the road
I'll halve the load
Of overburdened brothers.
I rather guess
It's selfishness
That drives me to such actions,
For in this plan
I find I can
Forget my own distractions.

β€”John Kendrick Bangs

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Postal Poet

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