🤗 If anyone lives in a place where they don't have friendly encounters with neighbours when they step outside, please take a greeting:
1) Off to work? The energy rolling off you is *incredible*. I hope it carries you through a wonderful day.
2) Hey! That is a smashing colour on you. The fabric looks super comfortable, too. Rock on, you stylish beast.
3) What a gift to see your face again! It's been a bit, hasn't it? Hope everything's going great with the fam--and say hello to your dog for me!
Although I had a lovely round of chats coming back from the run, I also had one fellow who rushed from friendly chat around the tinto vendor to trying to get my number.
The trick with this type is that they're not all ill-intentioned. Many are just so unused to being seen that they don't have a fuller range of scripts. Ah! Feminized person talking to me! Must pursue!
I politely decline but keep the group chat going. Most then get over the initial brain spaz & everyone goes away feeling good. 👌
But I've sat with enough elderly and hurting folk (volunteering in Canada especially) to know how easy it is to lose those social scripts. Touch deprived, disconnected, caught up in one's thoughts...
It's very easy for us to feel invisible, and very hard to return again to the full fraternity of human beings to which we all belong.
May we always remember the times when we've needed others to help us learn how to "people" again. There will surely come times when we need another's kindness anew.
@MLClark I am beginning to understand that we fade to invisibility as we age. It’s a very difficult process to stop, particularly in an age of small families.
An age of small families, and also a culture (especially in the West) of shuttling people off into age-divided living-communities.
I remember a study years ago that found a 2-9 year increase in lifespan, and related quality of life metrics, for elderly folk integrated with kindergarten cohorts more often. We NEED each other. We're animals, and a group species to boot.
But what an estranging world we've built for ourselves instead--and at such unnecessary cost to our wellness.
@MLClark We moved to an area closer to family in NYC, but one couple moved and the other has no time. Old friends here are consumed with their grandkids; in 2.5 years, we've had dinner with them twice. My son and his wife visited once; they moved to CA and are now moving to Spain. Close nephew and his wife have been here twice. One family gathering at the camp to say goodbye to dying BIL. That's the sum total of our social connections in our 2.5 years.
That kind of isolation creeps into the bones one unassuming step at a time.
I sorely hope this "quiet phase" passes into something new - new friends, new activities, new opportunities - but either way, I hope you're always able to be kind with yourself, whenever you feel that these disconnects are weighing on your mood, stress levels, and overall quality of life.
We're all doing the best we can with what we've got, even though we all deserve so much more. 🫂💛
@MLClark Yes, it is one step at a time. I remember my mom, in her early 90s, asking me "Why am I still here? All my family and friends are gone." I think it's a slow and unavoidable process. And don't ask why I didn't count as "family" in that moment, but it wasn't meant as mean, just her connections were no longer there.
@TheresaVermont @MLClark I find my weekly parkrun to be an important source of new social connections. Last week I got know a woman in her 60s with MS who was using a walker for the 5K course. Later, at coffee, I chatted with her and her husband for half-an-hour. Our parkrun group is so social that we all met for coffee the previous Saturday, even though the run was cancelled due to weather.
If you'd like help in starting a parkrun near you, DM me. I can connect you with an ambassador.
Peter! What a gift of an experience. Thank you so much for sharing it.
I'm so glad you have such an excellent way to improve overall well-being and local community on a weekly basis.
Even if some people here might be more interested in a "parkwalk", I don't doubt that the overall concept would be a wonderful addition to most neighbourhoods.
@MLClark @TheresaVermont ML, as there isn't a single parkrun event in Central or South America, you may be interested in the stats presented in this annual report by the charity. Perhaps there's someone in Colombia who might be inspired to start the first one.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zauAMyw9-0mm7rlKSL7omLNd7UiWInOe/view
We have a different culture with ciclovÃa every Sunday, where the highway shuts down for half a day and everyone can walk, run, or cycle with ease. Fruit, juice, and food vendors pop up around it, and it's super easy to tie it into family outings, picnics, or local fair days.
So to each culture its own solutions! The key is just building community where you are. You're surely doing a great job where you are. :)
@MLClark @TheresaVermont That's great! We have that on a very small scale in Cambridge MA in the better weather. Memorial Drive is shut down on Sundays. During the pandemic it was shut down for the whole weekend.
Parkrun has a philosophy of not requiring any support from towns for road closures. All events are in parks or open land so that participants never interact with vehicles. Events are always on a Saturday morning so that tourists can plan a parkrun in many overseas locations.
@MLClark @TheresaVermont Unlike Ciclavia, parkrun is run by volunteers. Everyone is encouraged to volunteer occasionally, in addition to participating. Many people report that volunteering gives them great enjoyment and an easy way to serve others. People learn how to welcome newcomers, setup the course, be a timekeeper, or run the event themselves.
It's interesting how different communities have different needs, served in different ways. Colombia has no winter, so cities like MedellÃn can and do invest in massive outdoor exercise equipment and parks with many free activities (mine has ping pong tables, free dance & yoga, plus workout equipment for elders separate from the rest).
CiclovÃa is experienced in a very relaxed & communal way. The city offers a few traffic minders, but otherwise it's barrio-driven.
@MLClark @TheresaVermont That's excellent. You'll find exercise equipment in many Australian parks and public places too. I haven't seen any in the state parks in MA. The oganization responsible for state parks sees its main role as a regulator and maintainer of parks, funded in part by admission charges. However, it has funded a number of trail projects recently. Sadly, there is no accessibility requirement for the trails themselves - just the car parks and facilities.
@MLClark @TheresaVermont Check out the exercise equipment in Australian parks.
https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=exercise+equipment+in+australian+parks&qpvt=exercise+equipment+in+australian+parks&form=IQFRML&first=1
/nosanitize
Yep, a little like ours! To the right of this equipment block, there's a new set-up of elaborate jungle-gym-esque parallel bars for the fellows ready to swing like monkeys. Down the path to the left, there's another set-up only for seniors, and there are other weight stations scattered all about the park.
Two things keep this kind of setup from Canada: winter, and a litigious society. But Colombia has neither impediment, so health and wellness come a little easier!
@peterquirk @TheresaVermont
I was thinking about this in a recent essay: so many of the impediments to our well-being, and the battles for social reform we sometimes spend our lives fighting, are created by our environments - and many didn't have to be there at all.
This makes the work you're doing for personal and communal wellness all the more important, Peter - and impressive! Even with so much structurally working against your local group, you've found *such* a way to thrive. Well done!