🤗 If anyone lives in a place where they don't have friendly encounters with neighbours when they step outside, please take a greeting:
1) Off to work? The energy rolling off you is *incredible*. I hope it carries you through a wonderful day.
2) Hey! That is a smashing colour on you. The fabric looks super comfortable, too. Rock on, you stylish beast.
3) What a gift to see your face again! It's been a bit, hasn't it? Hope everything's going great with the fam--and say hello to your dog for me!
Although I had a lovely round of chats coming back from the run, I also had one fellow who rushed from friendly chat around the tinto vendor to trying to get my number.
The trick with this type is that they're not all ill-intentioned. Many are just so unused to being seen that they don't have a fuller range of scripts. Ah! Feminized person talking to me! Must pursue!
I politely decline but keep the group chat going. Most then get over the initial brain spaz & everyone goes away feeling good. 👌
@MLClark Would you say the Colombian culture is more "macho" than Canada or U.S.?
Tough call!
I definitely got harassed in Canada plenty, and many toxic expectations and attitudes around gender show up even among Westerners with all the right political vocab. Also, even the gym bro culture on display here, in a climate that makes outdoor gym equipment free and abundant, isn't that different from gym bros up north.
Also... I just checked the feminicide rate in Canada and Colombia: both 0.48 / 100,000 in 2020! 🤯 (I had to double-check the stats to believe it!)
One problem with the stats is that some outlets conflate overall female deaths with feminicide, which has a very specific meaning.
I will say that there's a culture of "romantic" engagement with women here that sharpens the disconnect between the reality of how many men view women as objects / take issue with women who aren't interested in marriage/babies.
Western fellows may also get unduly interested in a woman's personal business, but... without the grand romantic displays. 🙃
@MLClark I am beginning to understand that we fade to invisibility as we age. It’s a very difficult process to stop, particularly in an age of small families.
An age of small families, and also a culture (especially in the West) of shuttling people off into age-divided living-communities.
I remember a study years ago that found a 2-9 year increase in lifespan, and related quality of life metrics, for elderly folk integrated with kindergarten cohorts more often. We NEED each other. We're animals, and a group species to boot.
But what an estranging world we've built for ourselves instead--and at such unnecessary cost to our wellness.
@MLClark I agree that life is better with connections. We didn't want to live in a senior community for that reason. But in the family oriented suburb we lived in, we only connected with people older than us. Our age moved away. Young families didn't even want to talk to us; too many disconnects on social connections.
🤗 Their loss. I'm certainly glad to have you as a neighbour. May the day ahead treat you and yours ever so well.
@MLClark We moved to an area closer to family in NYC, but one couple moved and the other has no time. Old friends here are consumed with their grandkids; in 2.5 years, we've had dinner with them twice. My son and his wife visited once; they moved to CA and are now moving to Spain. Close nephew and his wife have been here twice. One family gathering at the camp to say goodbye to dying BIL. That's the sum total of our social connections in our 2.5 years.
@MLClark We get the most human conversations at the dog parks or grocery checkouts. 😂 😂 😂
I purposefully seek out these conversations. This morning it was a guy sitting on a bench outside the gym, waiting for his partner. We talked about my boots (minimalist, I’m a barefoot enthusiast). Within a few minutes we covered many loosely related subjects. It’s so much fun!
@Luber905 It's nice that way. We didn't see another human being today.
That kind of isolation creeps into the bones one unassuming step at a time.
I sorely hope this "quiet phase" passes into something new - new friends, new activities, new opportunities - but either way, I hope you're always able to be kind with yourself, whenever you feel that these disconnects are weighing on your mood, stress levels, and overall quality of life.
We're all doing the best we can with what we've got, even though we all deserve so much more. 🫂💛
@MLClark Yes, it is one step at a time. I remember my mom, in her early 90s, asking me "Why am I still here? All my family and friends are gone." I think it's a slow and unavoidable process. And don't ask why I didn't count as "family" in that moment, but it wasn't meant as mean, just her connections were no longer there.
@TheresaVermont @MLClark I find my weekly parkrun to be an important source of new social connections. Last week I got know a woman in her 60s with MS who was using a walker for the 5K course. Later, at coffee, I chatted with her and her husband for half-an-hour. Our parkrun group is so social that we all met for coffee the previous Saturday, even though the run was cancelled due to weather.
If you'd like help in starting a parkrun near you, DM me. I can connect you with an ambassador.
@TheresaVermont @MLClark
Notice how often the social benefits are mentioned in this paper.
https://www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/parkrun-found-to-benefit-health-and-wellbeing
@TheresaVermont @MLClark Here's a proof point. Hear what Colin Thorne says about community on the occasion of his 175th #parkrun (walk) at the age of 100.
https://youtu.be/TRLelpOvAiY
Peter! What a gift of an experience. Thank you so much for sharing it.
I'm so glad you have such an excellent way to improve overall well-being and local community on a weekly basis.
Even if some people here might be more interested in a "parkwalk", I don't doubt that the overall concept would be a wonderful addition to most neighbourhoods.
@MLClark @TheresaVermont #parkrun is very much a run or walk event. People walk with babies in strollers. They walk with their dogs. The organization in the UK is experimenting with explicit parkkwalk branding for some events to see if that increases participation. It is a timed event, so each participant can see if their time is improving over the long term since improving fitness is aother goal.
@MLClark @TheresaVermont ML, as there isn't a single parkrun event in Central or South America, you may be interested in the stats presented in this annual report by the charity. Perhaps there's someone in Colombia who might be inspired to start the first one.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zauAMyw9-0mm7rlKSL7omLNd7UiWInOe/view
We have a different culture with ciclovía every Sunday, where the highway shuts down for half a day and everyone can walk, run, or cycle with ease. Fruit, juice, and food vendors pop up around it, and it's super easy to tie it into family outings, picnics, or local fair days.
So to each culture its own solutions! The key is just building community where you are. You're surely doing a great job where you are. :)
@MLClark @peterquirk @TheresaVermont
Los Angeles adopted ciclovía and a quarter million people showed up. Watching toddlers lurching down LA's vast downtown streets is the _best_. I saw neighborhoods I never would have otherwise. DC has started to do an Open Streets event and it is also great. Every city! Do this!
@MLClark @TheresaVermont That's great! We have that on a very small scale in Cambridge MA in the better weather. Memorial Drive is shut down on Sundays. During the pandemic it was shut down for the whole weekend.
Parkrun has a philosophy of not requiring any support from towns for road closures. All events are in parks or open land so that participants never interact with vehicles. Events are always on a Saturday morning so that tourists can plan a parkrun in many overseas locations.
@MLClark @TheresaVermont Unlike Ciclavia, parkrun is run by volunteers. Everyone is encouraged to volunteer occasionally, in addition to participating. Many people report that volunteering gives them great enjoyment and an easy way to serve others. People learn how to welcome newcomers, setup the course, be a timekeeper, or run the event themselves.
It's interesting how different communities have different needs, served in different ways. Colombia has no winter, so cities like Medellín can and do invest in massive outdoor exercise equipment and parks with many free activities (mine has ping pong tables, free dance & yoga, plus workout equipment for elders separate from the rest).
Ciclovía is experienced in a very relaxed & communal way. The city offers a few traffic minders, but otherwise it's barrio-driven.
@MLClark @TheresaVermont That's excellent. You'll find exercise equipment in many Australian parks and public places too. I haven't seen any in the state parks in MA. The oganization responsible for state parks sees its main role as a regulator and maintainer of parks, funded in part by admission charges. However, it has funded a number of trail projects recently. Sadly, there is no accessibility requirement for the trails themselves - just the car parks and facilities.
@MLClark @TheresaVermont Check out the exercise equipment in Australian parks.
https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=exercise+equipment+in+australian+parks&qpvt=exercise+equipment+in+australian+parks&form=IQFRML&first=1
/nosanitize
Yep, a little like ours! To the right of this equipment block, there's a new set-up of elaborate jungle-gym-esque parallel bars for the fellows ready to swing like monkeys. Down the path to the left, there's another set-up only for seniors, and there are other weight stations scattered all about the park.
Two things keep this kind of setup from Canada: winter, and a litigious society. But Colombia has neither impediment, so health and wellness come a little easier!
@MLClark @TheresaVermont You're so lucky!
I was thinking about this in a recent essay: so many of the impediments to our well-being, and the battles for social reform we sometimes spend our lives fighting, are created by our environments - and many didn't have to be there at all.
This makes the work you're doing for personal and communal wellness all the more important, Peter - and impressive! Even with so much structurally working against your local group, you've found *such* a way to thrive. Well done!
@peterquirk @MLClark excellent program. If we move back to a city, we will look for activities like this when looking for a place to live.
I've always thought retirement homes and such should have playgrounds. Really good playgrounds, I mean. Imagine how many more visits there would be to see the grand- and great grandparents! Liability issues, I suppose. Intergenerational housing would be the best scenario of all, of course.
With all the nifty new playground designs for full disability access, this should *totally* be more feasible, too! Then gramps and wee sprogs can play together.
Oh, the better world we could have had by now, if we hadn't sold off so much of the public trust. :/ (Writing an article this week on MAID, too, so I'm feeling super sad about the broken promise of Canada's social contract right now.)
Omg, that's such a good idea! Too bad we hate good ideas, huh?
Looking forward to your article on MAID.
"Looking forward to your article on MAID."
🤦🏻 That makes one of us!
I really hope the world offers a few nicer updates soon.
But I've sat with enough elderly and hurting folk (volunteering in Canada especially) to know how easy it is to lose those social scripts. Touch deprived, disconnected, caught up in one's thoughts...
It's very easy for us to feel invisible, and very hard to return again to the full fraternity of human beings to which we all belong.
May we always remember the times when we've needed others to help us learn how to "people" again. There will surely come times when we need another's kindness anew.