You either understand history or trust the Government.

You can't do both.

And now for something completely different!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8LsBxJSYGY&list=WL&index=3

Scotland the Brave/India the Bold (Bagpipes) Official Music Video by TheSnakeCharmerBagpiper.

They're odd looking pipes, in fact it's an electronic instrument called Redpipes, capable of emulating many different types and styles of real bagpipes.

Four months. Four fucking months since I went into hospital with septic arthritis in my left knee. It’s still an awful long time until I recover from it. It’s so bloody frustrating but whenever a physiotherapist or other health practitioner sees me they are really impressed with my progress. But dealing with the pain and frustration on a day-to-day basis, I just can’t see it that way.

2: The fact that Microsoft Teams contains a feature called "Teams" where actual teams can create a Team, and at Microsoft the teams working on that feature probably have a Team to discuss the Teams feature, suggests that there exists a Microsoft Microsoft Teams Teams Teams' Microsoft Teams Team.

1: What is the difference between a negative consequence, an email on drums, and a deadly pillow?

One is a repercussion, the second is re: percussion, and the last is a reaper cushion.

4: Taxidermy is a dead art.

3: Someone just called my phone, sneezed, and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of all these cold calls.

Sometime last night I had an Amazon package stolen from my doorstep. The delivery driver was supposed to deliver it by 8pm, or the next day. Nope, arsewipe delivered it at 8:45 pm and sent an email with a photo showing it on my doorstep.
I opened the email this morning and went out to collect the item. Nothing there.
It wasn't an expensive item, but it's still annoying. I have bought it again plus another product. Delivery is expected tomorrow, to an Amazon locker a couple of km away.

2: Tony Stark often wears a tuxedo, but it's not his strong suit.

1: Patient: Can you cure the measles?

Doctor: I don't make rash promises.

4: Jokes on social media remind me of CB radio.

Copy that.

3: I get my love of music from my father, who was a conductor.

He always listened to the radio on his bus.

If the person who named walkie talkies named everything:

Stamps - Lickie Stickie.
Defibrillators - Hearty Starty.
Bumble Bees - Fuzzy Buzzy.
Pregnancy Test - Maybe Baby.
Bra - Breastie Nestie.
Fork - Stabby Grabby.
Socks - Feetie Heatie.
Hippo - Floatie Bloatie.

I was in court today, charged with careless driving when I struck (at low speed) my neighbour and his young daughter while reversing in our shared driveway. My otherwise impeccable driving record, obvious remorse, refusal to dispute the charges and good standing in the community as evidenced by character reference letters meant no conviction was recorded, I have to donate to a particular charity and behave myself on the roads for at least the next six months. That was the best possible outcome.

If you identify a UFO as a UFO, then it becomes an FO. Unless it has landed, then it's simply an O.

Stop complaining…

I understand being a responsible adult...but every day...every single day...that seems a little excessive…

Yes, English can be weird.
It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

2: I love how the Earth rotates... It really makes my day.

1: It's Jamaican Hairstyle Day tomorrow.
I'm dreading it.

4: I keep taking photos of myself beside boiling kettles.
I have selfie steam issues.

3: I don't understand why people use fractions instead
of decimals

It's pointless!

Today in the pub I ate a ploughman’s lunch.

He wasn’t happy…

2: Sometimes I read a text and think, what a psycho.
Then I press send.

1: I went to the bathroom without my phone... Just like my ancestors used to.

4: I once had a hen who could count her own eggs.

She was a mathemachicken.

3: My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect And for that I am eternally grapefruit.

2: I saw a programme about how pickles are prepared.

It was jarring.

1: The fish shop is selling half price flat fish.

Cheap skates.