TerrorAustralis‽🇦🇺
Mac, iOS, Android user. Tea & cheese nut. Grumpy. Into working out, staying fit, eating healthy & lying. Covid status: 4 x vax. Immunocompromised.
Joined Nov 2017
My left hand after 4 minutes and 44 seconds of exposure to 310 nm wavelength UVB radiation as treatment for eczema. The effect rapidly fades. #ShowUsYourPinkBits
"You know, the first person to nail his socks to the fireplace was probably a really weird guy."
@Rixt I originally tried CoSo when it was still federated with the rest of Mastodon. I stumbled on it when my regular instance went down for about a day and I needed my fix. I was also active on Twitter at the time.
Who called it “Secret Santa” instead of “Non-disclosure Claus?”
2: COP: Name please?
ME- Wizard Of Oz.
COP- Full name?
ME- (Slowly) Wizard Of Ounces.
1: Bigfoot saw me but no one believes him.
4: Judge: What is your name?
Me: Not that I recall.
3: We talk louder when we drink because alcohol is measured by volume.
In an incandescent ball of plasma, a Terminator T101, flesh over a combat chassis, emerges having time travelled from the nuclear desolation of the future, to 2023. Its mission: to find and assassinate Sarah Connor.
Luckily there are no phone books and internet search is broken now, so Sarah Connor survives, none the wiser about her future fate.
2: Parachute for sale.
One owner. Never opened...
1: I got booted from the coffee club because..
I wore a tea shirt...
4: Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
3: Getting over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts, was a rocky road.
@Wbtphdjd No. they just call it that because it’s tiny and windowless.
@LnzyHou Pneumonia, RSV and flu are covered. Shingles enquiry made today, the GP’s clinic will be in contact re that.
Another Covid wave occurring in the area so I had my 5th jab today. It’s good for 6 months and covers two virus strains.
Tried booking in for the jab at a pharmacy today, was told the enter the “bunker,” the pharmacy staff’s nickname for the inoculation room at the back of the store. Jab has been done.
Immunocompromised folk like me need to take extra care.
2: One disorienting thing about getting older that nobody tells you about is how weird it feels to get a really passionate, extremely wrong lecture from a much younger person about verifiable historical events you can personally remember pretty well.
1: Every electronic device is a smoke machine if you're creative enough.
4: I’ll never forget the look on the cashier’s face, when she scanned the packet of bird seed, and I asked her how long does it take for the birds to grow once I plant them.
3: Salvador Dali kept his signature moustache so he could use the tips of it to paint with if he ever forgot a brush.
So this fellow arrives at a Xmas-themed party normally dressed except for a pair of ladies knickers on his head.
Asked how this related to Xmas, he replied “They’re Carol’s.”
2: Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover its butt quack.
1: NASA is launching a mission to say sorry to all the aliens.
They are calling it Apollo G.
4: Someone just called my phone, sneezed, and then
just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of all these cold calls.
3: The guy who invented the Ferris Wheel never met
the guy who invented the Merry-go-Round ..
They traveled in different circles.
@Ellico2020bis Known in this country as the “Gentleman’s Handbag” because of the wooden handle across the top of the bag and because single men tend to buy most of them.
2: I bought a high-priced calculator to do multiplication, but I only used it once.
That was one expensive product.
1: A pun has not completely matured until it's full groan.
TerrorAustralis‽🇦🇺
Mac, iOS, Android user. Tea & cheese nut. Grumpy. Into working out, staying fit, eating healthy & lying. Covid status: 4 x vax. Immunocompromised.
Joined Nov 2017