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Did you hear about the pharmacist who tripped on the omega 3 capsules?

He's okay. He only has super fish oil injuries. 

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Behind The Scenes of “The French Chef” with Julia Child, 1964

I totally forgot I had these super cute, barely worn Sam Edelman Penny loafers, which were barely worn because they didn’t work with my bunions. BUT today I remembered them and discovered that they fit great on my foot that has had surgery! I’m so glad I didn’t get rid of them. They’ll be even better next year after my other foot is fixed too. Small victories 🩵

Sometimes I remember fights I had with people years ago and get upset all over again. I wish I knew how to make my brain stop doing that.

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My favourite video game hench-people are the ones who listen to 30 seconds of explosions and gunfire off in the distance, then proceed to forget about it a minute later.

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I finally finished my hoodie sweater today but the yarn for my next sweater, a silk blend pullover with an eyelet pattern, isn’t here yet. So I picked my tablet weaving back up while I wait for it! The last time I worked on this was January so I needed a little refresher 😅

This morning, my dog was giving me his usual good-morning headbutts and cuddles, and he reared back and sneezed violently, and bashed my nose with his skull. The bridge of my nose has been tender all day and I found dried blood on my septum ring a few hours after it happened, so that's fun. To his credit he was very sorry and gave me kisses when he realized I was hurt.

I hate fireworks, and while I am a bit of a curmudgeon, that isn’t the reason. The reason is that my dog is absolutely terrified of them and shakes all over and wants me to sit on the bathroom floor and hide with him until the scary noises stop. So today I’m sending out a heartfelt fuck you to all the people who ignored city ordinances and shot off fireworks in city limits last night. If you don’t care about dogs and cats, at least consider the veterans you may be triggering.

I think I might actually finish my sweater this weekend. I started the hood today and I’ve already made the drawstring! That means time to pick my next project 🩵

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@MotherDucker
Some people don't know that today will be their last day with 10 fingers

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@lemontart

funded by the increased taxes on billionaires 👍🏼

Thinking about how people become political candidates in America in 2024, there's clearly no barrier with regard to intelligence or ability, only financial resources. We need full public funding for political campaigns, to ensure that not only rich people can run for office ESPECIALLY given that people who are very rich have usually not arrived there by having the kind of character that would make them trustworthy with political power.

Procrastinating about making this stupid i-cord drawstring for my hoodie that has to be 40 INCHES LONG oh my god why

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@lemontart A man is visiting the soviet union from the US. A soviet citizen asks "What do you have in America that we don't?"

The American says "Well, in my country, I can call my president an asshole, and get away with it!"

The Soviet says "How is that special? We're allowed to call your president an asshole any time we want, too!"

Two Russians are at the North Pole.

“Want to hear a political joke?”
“No, or they’ll send me to some shithole.”

Like this one:

In the museum of Vasily Chapayev the guide shows the visitors a skeleton.

"Here you can see the skeleton of Vasily Chapayev."

"And what is this small skeleton next to him?"

"That's Vasily Chapayev in his childhood."

(I’ve also found a few jokes making fun of specific Soviet figures or incidents, but I don’t know enough Soviet history to get most of them unfortunately. Some of them are still funny anyway.)

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