Looking for investment advice? Look no further! With my patented method, you can lose $150 every day, and then regain $100 in overnight trading. Then spend the next day chasing progressively more risky investments to recoup that lost $25. All while bitcoin is up 999% over the same time.

tl/dr: I’m too new/dumb/risk averse to invest responsibly - so I should just put all my money into cryptocurrency.