Quick, someone tell Trump that Kamala Harris was briefly employed as a lion tamer in college.

.

I flew my car to work in honor of Back to the Future day. Remembered I don't own a flying car. This does not end well

They say "When God shuts a door, he opens a window". What I really wish is that God would turn out the damn lights when he leaves a room.

Where's Waldo? (2087 edition)

I found out that you can recover old Neopets accounts, even ones that have been idle for 20 years (like mine). Turns out my 20-year-old pet is dying but content. I appreciate your vibes old buddy.

"I'm moving next weekend, and I was wondering if you could do me a solid?"

Sorry, I’m actually a non-Newtonian fluid

I love painstakingly recreating fictional t-shirts featured on tv shows and then having no one have any idea what the hell I'm wearing. An in-joke that's so 'in' it's only for me. These are two of my favorites.

It's that time of year again!

I swear it was an accident!

(I meant to hit the 'Hot Hail' button)

Just started a job in this nice industrial complex. Hoping for a quiet first day.

Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, fuck.

Donald Trump is expected to visit a McDonald’s in Pennsylvania this Sunday and “work the fry cooker,” a source tells CNN

Uh oh, I've changed cars more often than some of those spice bottles.

.

.

.

.

Friday someone brought a big tin of butter cookies to the office and tomorrow I'm going to slip a spool of thread and a couple of large buttons in the mostly empty tin.

Dangerous Monster? Well, that's just my everyday name.