(Pretend I sent this last night) Drinking and watching the romantic movie Twilight.

Happy Valentine's!

This sucks. Why did no one warn me?!

Edward's hair fucks though.

Do I have anything positive to say...?

Rachel Lefevre? OH, and Anna Kendrick.

This meme

Feeling kind of ill tonight

And not just because we're watching New Moon.

"I don't want you to come"

Wow, automatic Team Jacob here.

If I was a teenage girl this would turn me off of boys entirely.

Taylor Lautner is actually a good actor before he goes werewolf. Who knew?

Vampires are made of stone?! That's why they sparkle?

And their venom allows them to reattach their body parts?

What is happening? Why is this not told in the movie but in supplemental material?

Rosalie's story is infinitely more interesting than Bella's.

A vampire taking revenge against her murderers in the 1930s?

"I Rise From Your Grave"

"Inside you there are two wolves. You are now torn into 6 pieces."

Edward was born in 1901. Does he have an ankle fetish? Does he think elbows are scandalous?

Is he turned on by the Transatlantic accent?

If it wasn't for maybe a single line I wouldn't know Victoria is played by a new actress.

Imagine someone else training Michael B Jordan and he's mentioned once he was once called Rocky.

I remembered Fifty Shades of Grey is a fanfic of this and I'm thinking how much less gaslighty Christian is than Edward.

Eclipse; Bella has the worst wig.

Breaking Dawn pt 1: Ashley Greene and Jamie Campbell Bower get the honors.

Trying to figure out why vampire sperm works but not uteri.

My best guess is Edward's swimmers are cryo-frozen from when he was turned. He has no horny desires so they're stuck there until the honeymoon.

Insta-pregnancy? This IS hot. Yowza.

"A half-vampire is an abomination! Us half-wolves agree on that!"

"I'm keeping the baby that's killing me"
Edward: Continues being right but toxic about it

Her back breaking is the first good part of this movie cuz it made me feel something.

"It's wolfin' time!"
"Wolf!"
"Wolf!"
"Wolf!"
"Wolf!"
"Wolf!"

"They can't hurt Jacob. It's their absolute law."
-Edward Cullen: Wolf lawyer

There is no extended edition of Breaking Dawn part 2.

There is a God.

"Bella, watch out for that BANG BOOM treeeeeee...."

Kristen Stewart prowling in a dress, red contacts, hair amuss...

I see her appeal.

"Hey has anyone seen our friend? He's a werecougar, he likes to hunt around here.

That baby is the stuff of nightmares.

I know, I know, I say that to EVERY baby.

"Jacob, what did you do?"
"Don't be mad. It's a wolf thing. And for the record I would pee on all of you."

That baby was born HOURS ago and already it's asking for tree fiddy.

Edward just in a hoodie after dress shirts this whole series.

Also Lee Pace? Rami Malek? Angela Sarafyan? Noel Fisher?

I was wondering how the Cullens kept up their identity swapping. None of the clan seem tech savvy enough to make birth certificates and passports.