So useless and so much trouble that North Korea was just like, "Fuck this shit, send him back"

@Alfred Well come on now

@Alfred Show me a picture of a fairy dressed in garbage bags delivering a box to a customer.

HEADLINE: insects are the meal of the future

ME: I have no future

Headline : Man accused of robbing South Carolina store using Nintendo Duck Hunt pistol
Me :

@MrGoat If only David Attenborough could narrate this birth for us.

Back in the house phone days, people couldn't tell you if their life was in the balance what kind of phone they were using.

@Bald_Guy_With_Bike I know right, took a 1-hour walk and forgot my apple watch. If I couldn't record the walk, did I even walk? What a waste...

@matthewchat The only acceptable trophy picture would have been one of the dog still biting into the guy. No but seriously, it just screamed "awkward" (to me) to see them all smiling and some kneeling for the picture, with their "prize" standing there.

Me looking at one of those videos of the captured murderer :

@okika_hilo They caught Edward Scissorhands

"Nobody's going to believe we're that good at our jobs, take a picture!"

About 30 officers in fatigues doing a photo op with a captured murderer is quite the thing.

Aaron Rodgers now has all the time in the world to watch his buddy Jokeavitch play tennis.

Car making angry noises....

Go get it fixed and come out with an $800 bill.

Now the car is silent, but i'm the one making angry noises...

@Eric_The_Great7 And let it not be in hologram mode please.

As a huge fan of the Star Wars Rebels animated series, I was so happy to watch the first two episodes of Ahsoka to realize it's a continuation of the Rebel series. Chopper for the win !

CNN Brought out their flow-charting expert again because nobody could have understood this without a flow-chart :