@Oyetessa It's when the quote from the movie stand by me becomes prophecy: "people come in & out of your life like busboys".
@MidnightRider I'm not sure if I find that sad or bittersweet. But it's the truth.
@Oyetessa Most of the time it's sad, especially when retired people with time don't make sure to keep communion with the handful of people who have maintained linkage.
@MidnightRider yeah, like, how many friends will I have left when I retire? That sounds lonely.
@Oyetessa Quality over quantity, it's the ones that leave the Earth that hurt. Especially rescue collies.
@Oyetessa: Affirmative.
It's also extremely difficult to find any to start. That said, I am speaking specifically about IRL, not online and non-local.
@thedisasterautist do you find online/distance relationships easier?
@Oyetessa: Somewhat. The trick is that online/distance ones are rather at peril from anything happening locally *and* online. The other trick is that the majority or at least the larger preponderance of people will follow paths of least resistance. When there's nothing much local, the shop online, and things are cool... until something pops up locally, at which point the online/distance gets punted. It gets dressed up, i.e., lied about, all kinds of ways, but it's the case nonetheless.
@Oyetessa: People want to mean well and do mean well, and at the same time they want what feels like "better", i.e., closer, more proximal, preferably nearby or immediately adjacent. Many also like to "trade up" when possible, though they still mean well. The meaning well takes a back seat when pushing comes to shoving and more well often than it does not. Alas, quite often it winds up people introduce themselves with an energy they cannot maintain... or never really intended to.
@Oyetessa: It's just they didn't want to be alone, either companionately, romantically, or sexually, but they couldn't be up-front and honest about it.
Also, a lot of folks don't allow friendships but especially relationships come together organically. They label and rush. It's weird AF to me but at this point it's fairly predictable. I understand it clinically, but it's alien to me as a person. Humans are strange, but ya gotta love'em. 👽
@Oyetessa: Also, people tend to be super-weird about platonic relationships. They're even weirder about polyamory, though I get why. The term gets routinely hijacked by malign actors and dipshits.
@Oyetessa The older you get, the fewer close friends maintained unless you stay stuck.
The older you get, the less tolerant you become of other peoples' bullshit, so bad friendships are jettisoned, plus people get married, have kids, move for their careers, and distance and different life-paths weaken bonds.
When you are very young, friendships are easy: "You like Batman? I like Batman too. " You're friends. Later on you discover liking Batman is not the basis for a good friendship.
@Oyetessa i think as we grow & evolve & make diff life choices, the things that may have brought us together may no longer we strong enough to keep us together.
whether we marry, have children, build careers, re-locate, etc. all compound the divide. sometimes we can cross that divide & other times it's just not possible.
i maintain 3 longstanding relationships from my school days. all the others have fallen away.
making friends in adulthood is much more fleeting. for me, anyway.
@Oyetessa I feel like I have more acquaintances vs deep friendships at this stage of my life. I’m fine with that though, it’s all I have time for now.
It’s also when you discover how lop-sided some of your friendships are. I just had a conversation with a friend who only wants to talk about her stuff. She never asks or remembers mine. Pissed her off when I pointed that out.
Who needs one-sided friendships? Not me.
@LnzyHou yeah, I was thinking about the same thing. Sad.
Possibly, @Oyetessa 🤔
I never considered it that way, but there is a truth to it.