I'm on the ramble, but as I reflect on all of this, and look back on what I've posted the last few minutes, in many ways a journal in its own right, I realize how much of a trusted community this place is.

I share here, because this is my safe place, and you are my safe community. Thank you for hearing me, thank you for your patience with my rambles, and the repeating lessons I'm trying to learn.

Onward, toward the dawn!

So yeah. I'm concerned. I'm afraid right now that I'm going to wake up tomorrow and find him non responsive, but I can do nothing about that if it is what is fated to be.

THese kinds of conditions are always very near things until brought under control. He's not critical, but could be there in an instant.

But the same thing could be said for all of us. One of the reasons loss hits us so hard, is not just the loss but the reminder of how fragile, and tenuous of a guarantee another moment is.

I'm getting away from recrimination and its being replaced by analysis and curiosity. Instead of trying to choke out the weeds of bad habit energy, I instead look at them with interest.

Hello friend, you have a lesson for me that in my anger and damage I have failed to learn. Let me sit and watch you, and figure how you work, so I might heal, instead of repeat cycles endlessly.

The irony is that this sometimes means I repeat old cycles. Every stumble is a teacher, every setback an opportunity

I'm resolved to be a better stronger me tomorrow. Looking intently at my stress eating response, and the frustration of trying to communicate to my husband how close he was to possible death without him thinking I'm trying to ply him with guilt, or my own anxiety.

I'm his wife and I don't want to be a nag. A partner is a partner, a help, we carry the load together.

TOday is our 10 year anniversary.

In the course of 45 minutes they had six ambulances come in with criticals.

There's not enough ER to go around. People were sleeping in hallways with blankets coming over them.

It shows a bit of bitterness I should work on, but I told Dad, we have the best country money can buy.

The professionals manning the walls care, but our system is so unfeeling it wounds the heart.

He's still in hypertensive crisis. But HC Is a weird condition, his system is redlined. It could go bad at literally any moment, but likely won't, but it could.

One thing that is for certain, waiting endlessly in a packed ER, with the promise of another six to eight hour wait to be seen for antibiotics, and ana admonition to follow up with his PCP was not going to help his Blood Pressure.

The nurse let us go home, advised we stay but said it wouldn't AMA us on the insurance.

We're back at the hotel and I've been awake since 0045 yesterday PST when it was 0345 for me EST.

I've crossed the continent, and caught a half hour cat nap in the ER, after slamming down a cup of coffee to keep the tired away longe enough to move the truck safely.

Now I'm awake.

Waggs is out cold. We have the room until noon, and I really should rest, but my brain is very busy. I took a hot shower, and will let my hair dry. Going to do something mindless like a video game, then journal.

So we’ve been waiting for hours and are well past exhausted. Lab results came in and it looks like he’s fighting a bug. Taking that he has a toothache and thinks he’s getting an abscess it’s all starting to line up. We’ve asked to be released to follow up with his pcp. There’s little point in staying now.

I've been up about 20 hours at this point, but after they drop him at the ER I'm getting picked up to retrieve my truck so it doesn't get towed. It's in a Walmart parking lot about 20 miles away right now.

I fully admit to have done some stress eating. I got a bunch of treat food for our anniversary and I've been grazing.

Tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of my wedding to my husband.

My flight got in on time, he got underway, and then he started to feel poorly, hitting a massive traffic jam.

He told me to take a lyft to the hotel while he checked his blood pressure. He's in hypertensive crisis and has been, or near it, with no way for me to get to him.

Housemates just picked him up to take him to the ER, and I am deeply concerned.

Arrived in Portland!

One last hop. Next stop Portland!

Arrived in Chicago for my connection! I hopped right over Debby!

I’m at my gate and so far, on time! On my way home!

Good morning groovy souls!

It has been a wonderful time with @wolfwoman She is a kind and wonderful soul. Last night her daughter made an incredible dinner.

My time here has been a blessing.

Today I am on my way home. TS Debby has given us a blustery stormy day, but my flight remains on time and things are looking pretty locked in!

Tomorrow is my 10th anniversary and I'll be there just in time.

Onward, toward the dawn!

Bunny go!

The problem is weather, but I’ll have to start later anyways on Saturday so this could work out regardless. Hmmm

I wish I could find a gym with an indoor track. I like running that way better than treadmills.

Planet Fitness stopped being 24 hours during the pandemic now they are open 24-5 and 12 hours on Saturday Sunday. I go six days a week to the gym but I’m considering doing a run at the park on Saturdays before heading to Pf for elliptical and weights.

I’ve about reached my limit with Snap Fitness in Longview. Twice the price for the 24 hours is increasingly not worth it.

The weather has been soupy and uncooperative but after 2 setbacks this week I find myself renewed with a new fire so I went down to the large unfinished basement and ran around the edges for an hour. A bit tedious but I hit the same level of calorie burn I’ve been hitting and being in that tight of a loop for an hour challenged in new ways.

Where there is will there is trail!

Onward, toward the dawn !

There is a growing sense with my busy year that there is more work than there is me to go around. ^_^

Every time I get close to heading back home, something seems to pop. I recently booked out to head to SLC on the 25th to help a buddy move, I'll be doing the same in Spokane on the 17th.

Luckily those times in between will be home!

I'm focusing on the next hop and the next breath as much as I can. Moment by moment it all sorts out!

Good morning groovy souls!

I'm waiting for a break in the weather to get out for my run. It either will or will not happen. Ive watched the forecast change 3 times since I woke up.

TS Debby is making her debut in this area, worst case scenario I'll run laps in the basement for an hour. Boring but doable!

I'm leaving VA today, and spending the night with @wolfwoman ! Coso sleepover! Then I return home tomorrow.

Onward, toward the wander!