Husband: “Here, I picked up your library book for you. Enjoy!”
Me: (attempting to enjoy said book)
Husband: (meanwhile has not ceased speaking about Ohio’s election, the drywall he’s working on patching, his plan to take out the trash soon, his concerns over our child’s snoring, etc.) “So is it a good book?”
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You might say, “Why don’t you try an audiobook, MotherDucker?”
To which I reply, “the snap of the magnetic closure of my earbuds case is his bat signal.”