Emotion/Psychological suggestion request:
I caught a lot of verbal abuse growing up, and the net effect is that I take nearly any criticism or raised voices as a reason to get into heated defensive arguments (irrespective of whether I’m right or wrong about whatever it is).
Has anyone found a way to help mitigate the hair trigger response kind of deal? I can always see it in retrospect and make apologies, but it’d be better all around if I could interrupt the reflex.
I see guidance like “take a deep breath” which isn’t within my ability when the ‘red mist’ descends. Any ideas?
They usually say "Count to ten," but I think something a little more concrete is required here.
Give yourself a list of ten things that you will require yourself to do before you allow yourself to respond. Start with just one, something really simple, like "Tear up a small sheet of paper" or "Stretch a rubber band three times." Then add increasingly difficult things, like "Write out the first ten prime numbers" or "Say the alphabet backwards to yourself."
In principle, the preoccupation with these small tasks will take you past the time when responding forcefully seems like an imperative.
It may work, it may not. You can only give it a try.
@DavidSalo I’m willing to try. It seems daunting, given the immediacy and fierceness of my mental shift, which alone really ought to be enough of a sign. You know, like “hey- you weren’t raging just a moment ago…”