Many situations can bring us to a point where we feel it's over.
(I live with a precarity that makes some times super hard myself.)
But one of the most challenging might be the one my friend found himself in - because he did harm that will have consequences. And he needed to hear that yes, he *did* cause harm. No excuses. There would be consequences. He now has to work on himself & take responsibility.
But also... that his life still has value after the shame of letting himself & others down.
And I should add that this person heard. He doesn't have access to things like therapy where he lives, but he heard. We talked about addictive behaviours, the difference between explanation and excuse, how to show up with respect and withdraw from behaviours that feed trauma cravings for conflict over healing... lots.
But mostly he needed to hear that he had caused harm from someone who still sees him as having value. Our cultures are so deeply damaged & damaging, the two keep getting mixed up.
@MLClark eloquently vague, but regardless of the norm in social media posts you are not required to share details.
Our friends sometimes push the envelope on our personal definition of “friend”.
People do tend to overshare details & lose track of the core issue online, eh?
This person is a prominent member in one of my communities, & in the middle of a crash from dizzying heights due to lack of professionalism & its consequences.
Our friendship is little-known because quite honestly he needs someone not blowing smoke up his rear, who offers grounding from a place of care.
He can't do similar for me, so it's a bit one-sided in that regard, but perfect balances are rare.
@MLClark I wish you well in maintaining your nimbleness in that intersection.
By the way, https://onlysky.media/ provides some interesting reads, thanks for sharing (and contributing) https://onlysky.media/mclark/broken-heat-records-and-the-promise-of-more/
Thanks for your presence with the work!
One reason I talk so much about rehabilitative and restorative justice, and why I think so much about the stories we tell about male transgressors esp (like some in my latest collection - no promo, just defending that this has been a career-long interest; though he 100% reminded me of Leave-Taking's protag) is because we often narrate in favour of human disposability. It's much harder to find good storytelling that teaches people about life after causing harm.
(The Bear is great for this, e.g.)