It's worst with my dad, who I suspect is simply too close to the situation. I mean my mom is his *wife* of 55 years, it's like they're not going to see the forest for the trees, when it comes to each other.

Plus my mom's trees are scrambled now, so there's that.

& really, I think most ppl aren't that great at separating mind & behavior from intentional will.

Like the will to do something. I'm in the US & there's very much this cultural & social belief that when people do things, it's always on purpose, always with some kind of intent (often nefarious), & that you can do anything thru sheer force of will.

It's easy to forget, or maybe not ever really become aware of the fact that if you change your brain, your mind & behavior change.

Like if you use some sort of drug, or throw too much or not enough glucose in there, o r get drunk, or take a prescription Rx, or have a brain injury, or go thru therapy - these all change your *brain*.

What we think of as *will* is an aspect of executive function, & it's reeeeeeallly easy to fuck up someone's exec. function.

I mean, try not sleeping for several days, that'll do it too.

No point to all this, just thinking out uh... loud. Sort of. Firehosing out loud.

@Impious_Jade 🤗

@TwiHusband True that. Strange thing is, my dad *does* live with her, & even he doesn't really quite get it. I have the same kind of convos w/him too, & he's there 24/7.

It's weird to me to tell him repeatedly that mom's basically like a toddler, & he'll acknowledge that, but then doesn't really recognize the behaviors - they befuddle him. It's so weird.

@Impious_Jade This is our second time to the rodeo. My FIL died of suspected Lewy Body dementia about six years ago. He was on home care until we had to we had to call in hospice. Now it's my MIL. She's on about a 5 minute loop.

She has really bad dermatitis on both lower legs that requires medicated bandages over a period of two to three days to treat....which she won't leave on for more than an hour.

@Impious_Jade (wry chuckle) This is actually my 3rd time to the dance. After my father passed, I looked after my mother for 32 years. From my earliest memory as a child, she was a paranoid schizophrenic with violent and suicidal tendencies.

My wife is frequently amazed that I still have all my marbles.

@TwiHusband @Impious_Jade this is one of my pet peeves. Maybe it shouldn’t be, but to remind caregivers that the disease is the reason why for behavior that is absolutely outlandish seems so strange. There’s nothing you can do about it, and it isn’t a mystery, so why the need to remind you of the obvious?

I am SO aware people are only trying to help. But the answer is right there and unfortunately not changing.

@Cashcrop I could never get it through my (extremely religious) brother and his wife's fat heads that you can't process what the sick individual does by normal standards. That kept insisting that they were owed some sort of recompense for my mother's (not to mince words) bad behavior.

It didn't help that my mother could fake just about anyone, anyone who didn't spend a lot of time with her, right out of their socks. @Impious_Jade