Help me out with something here. I need some advice:
After how many child reports of bullying language (“So-and-so said you’re ugly.” Loser sign. “I hate you.”) would you wait before messaging or calling a child’s (1st grade) teacher?
@MotherDucker After more than one occasion; and do it as soon as you can. My daughter didn't tell us she was being bullied in first grade; she just became moody and took it out on her little sister (who was 2 at the time). We finally learned the truth 2/3s of the way into the year. The school did jack shit about it though. She begged us to switch schools for 2nd and we did.
Try to nip it sooner rather than later. You don't want it to go on longer than necessary.
You want to ask your daughter what she wants. She may just want you to listen and agree that the bully's behavior is wrong and unfair.
It may help her to understand that bullies learn that behavior, that the bully may be getting verbal abuse at home, and that they may actually be much worse off than your kid.
I would not have wanted to be known as the kid who had their mother call the teacher to call someone else's parents, as much as I hated being bullied.
@AlphaCentauri @SmirkingRaven @MotherDucker
When I was in elementary school I got bullied pretty mercilessly, too, and swapped schools a few times as a result.
Agree with the suggestion to ask kiddo what kiddo wants to do. Talking about the context of what the other kids may be dealing with as well that causes them to act out is a great idea. It may not help in the moment, but knowing that it's not necessarily all about kiddo, and could be a great deal more about the bully/bullies, is big.
@evistre @AlphaCentauri @SmirkingRaven @MotherDucker
We were doing a Sunday school lesson when it came out that one of the first graders was being bullied. Mom had been to school to talk to teacher and the other parents multiple times, to no effect.
The kids in the class just stepped up and owned the issue — I mean, one of the fifth graders went up to the white board and started leading the discussion.
@evistre @AlphaCentauri @SmirkingRaven @MotherDucker
She turned out to be friends with bully’s big sister, and she knew his older brother had just started middle school. The kid was probably hurt that his brother didn’t want him hanging around. The kids made a plan for treating the bully more inclusively, and by the next year, the bullying was no longer an issue.