I have an acquaintance that calls me often because she is bored or feeling restless. She's a very miserable person and I have a difficult time handling people who are perpetually depressed and won't do anything to examine that state. She is also a very angry person as a result of being depressed which also makes her difficult to handle. She is the type of person to complain about everything - work, people, the world, her health, her life - but will never do anything to change things.
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She works a lot and hates her job. She also hates people and everyone she works with. She judges everyone and always has complaints about people around her. People are boring. Life is boring. Her health is bad. etc etc and on and on but never any ideas about making a change or trying to explore different things. She has no hobbies. She doesn't read books. She doesn't like music. She doesn't enjoy anything at all. She doesn't like putting effort into things. What kind of a life is that?
She's one of those people that only wants someone to agree with her that life is awful or that life is terrible. She only wants you to stay in negativity with her. If you offer anything she gets mad or feels judged. If you try to make suggestions she has all the reasons in the world why those things won't work. If you offer any kind of advice she thinks you're a "know it all" ... These kinds of people are just so tedious and exhausting to deal with. They take energy from you.
Some people do exist in the world to take from others. Energy vampires or whatever you call them ... these people just want someone to walk through misery with them and they take whatever energy they can get from whomever will take that journey with them. They thrive in negativity and actively sabotage any opportunity for positive experiences to change their worldview. It's a deliberate way of living and sucking the life out of everyone around them.
Don't be that person.
@thewebrecluse expecting you already know this, sharing in the hope it is helpful. You don’t owe anyone your time. Does certainly seems like you are being kind and supportive.
@fuse I know I don't owe anyone any of my time and honestly it doesn't take up much time because all she does is talk and talk and complain and complain and all I have to do is listen and say uh huh or hmmm or whatever and then she eventually goes back to whatever she was doing. If I try to give any advice she just gets mad and has excuses why she can't do things or try things. I think some people are just destined to be miserable and prefer it to actually actively changing their life.
"People are boring. Life is boring."
"She has no hobbies. She doesn't read books. She doesn't like music."
Those two things might be connected... somehow...
@DavidSalo I couldn't ever be friends with someone that actively hates music. She thinks all music is just "noise" ... I think there is something deeply wrong with her and how she processes everything but .... she wouldn't listen even if I suggested it. But yes its all connected.
I am always unsure of how to respond to such people. I don't know how to talk to them or advise them because they don't want advice, they just want to complain or vent or yell and then go back to their misery. They want to drag someone else down with them and get mad when you don't respond in kind to their negativity. I don't have patience for that stuff. I'm a goaler. I'm a doer. I'm someone who doesn't believe in complaining and never taking any steps to fix anything or even trying to.
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