One of the most significant differences between myself and a friend of mine is that they are results focused and I am performance minded. This difference causes huge disconnects in how we see the world.

They worked hard most of their life, growing up poor and without support. Working several jobs, sacrificing health, making hard choices ... in their mind the result of all that was "success" so anyone who doesn't work as hard as them is less than or lazy or doesn't deserve as much.

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I am performance minded ... so I tend to focus on everything that I did to get where I am. I also worked hard, made sacrifices, had little support but I don't see the end result of all that as "success" ...I see the PROCESS of all that as a part of several steps that brought me to where I am.

When I look at people who are working hard and struggling ... I see that as a process and I see that as valuable and I recognize what that takes because I remember that process for myself.

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My friend barely remembers their process because it was awful and traumatic for them. They only remember that in the end they "succeeded" and when they think back on what brought them to where they are, they only remember the pain and trauma. That rolls into transference of anger and regret that they place onto others ... it becomes judgement.

Because I valued my process instead of hating it, I don't transfer anything into what I see other doing except empathy and understanding.

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Result focus and performance minded people come at work VERY differently and that is not to say that both ways of seeing things don't have value ... but they have more value as a combined way of seeing an overall system of achievement rather than individually as was of assessing the value or "success" of others.

I would never define a life of misery, trauma, failing health, lost opportunities, anger, judgement, distrust, and lack of support ... as "success" but they do and that says a ton.

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