Rosalie's story is infinitely more interesting than Bella's.

A vampire taking revenge against her murderers in the 1930s?

"I Rise From Your Grave"

"Inside you there are two wolves. You are now torn into 6 pieces."

Edward was born in 1901. Does he have an ankle fetish? Does he think elbows are scandalous?

Is he turned on by the Transatlantic accent?

If it wasn't for maybe a single line I wouldn't know Victoria is played by a new actress.

Imagine someone else training Michael B Jordan and he's mentioned once he was once called Rocky.

I remembered Fifty Shades of Grey is a fanfic of this and I'm thinking how much less gaslighty Christian is than Edward.

Eclipse; Bella has the worst wig.

Breaking Dawn pt 1: Ashley Greene and Jamie Campbell Bower get the honors.

Trying to figure out why vampire sperm works but not uteri.

My best guess is Edward's swimmers are cryo-frozen from when he was turned. He has no horny desires so they're stuck there until the honeymoon.

Insta-pregnancy? This IS hot. Yowza.

"A half-vampire is an abomination! Us half-wolves agree on that!"

"I'm keeping the baby that's killing me"
Edward: Continues being right but toxic about it

Her back breaking is the first good part of this movie cuz it made me feel something.

"It's wolfin' time!"
"Wolf!"
"Wolf!"
"Wolf!"
"Wolf!"
"Wolf!"

"They can't hurt Jacob. It's their absolute law."
-Edward Cullen: Wolf lawyer

There is no extended edition of Breaking Dawn part 2.

There is a God.

"Bella, watch out for that BANG BOOM treeeeeee...."

Kristen Stewart prowling in a dress, red contacts, hair amuss...

I see her appeal.

"Hey has anyone seen our friend? He's a werecougar, he likes to hunt around here.

That baby is the stuff of nightmares.

I know, I know, I say that to EVERY baby.