Any idea on how to deal with a family member on the extreme left? I have someone who interprets almost every statement someone makes as racist/sexist/ageist/classist/etc. I'm not talking about the stupid shit your old uncle says. It's more like I'm surprised I can even say "hi" to them without it being labeled as something bad. They are so far left it makes me feel like a conservative, ffs.
@elmaxx thank you
@Reciprocity how do you deal w/ extreme right wing family members? i would do similar.
i tend to find extremists (left or right) are internally angry & have no room to hear anything but the sound of their own thoughts.
@singlemaltgirl I suppose it makes sense to approach it the same way for either extreme. I need to figure out a way to let it go without it getting me really upset (same reaction to both extremes). Thank you.
@Reciprocity @singlemaltgirl -A friend of mine uses questions from the ‚Illusion of Explanatory Depth‘ - (IED) https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/the-illusion-of-explanatory-depth
A lot of why these conversations are so draining is the ‚stress originator‘ (SO) is in an (IED)-more obvious to us from the outside. Which often prompts us to try & explain, reply, etc- draining, triggering & ineffective (usually). Instead asking the same questions you might ask yourself, as in this article or others, is much less work.& effective.
@Aicila @singlemaltgirl thank you so much. I think that article really nails it. So many people who have such strong opinions just end up parroting the same talking points they've heard other people say and have no clue what they're talking about.
@Reciprocity @singlemaltgirl I‘m glad you found it helpful. I wish you only peace and connection. And funny memes as wanted/needed.
@Reciprocity good luck. i don't think those situations are ever easy. it's the reason i'm estranged from most of my fam - for my own mental health. 🙄
@singlemaltgirl @Aicila it sucks when it has to come to that, but there's no sense in continuing to subject yourself to the misery. I'm sorry you had to do that, but it sounds like you're better off.
@Reciprocity it was hard to do. but no regrets. i truly am so much better mentally. i didn't realize how much it affected my mood, my anxiety, my ability to fend off depression. it was such a weight lifted & the only thing i kick myself for is not doing it sooner. but i think i had to try my best to get to this place. i know i tried, which made it easier in the end.
i hope you don't need to go there & you can find a way that you can live w/
@Reciprocity @singlemaltgirl & sending good vibes. & it is always okay to set a boundary :). I’ve stopped talking politics w/my dad. He knows what I believe- it’s why he brings it up. So I’ve started just telling him I appreciate that he thinks of me when he hears the news and reaches out. & I love him. I’m not saying I never will talk about things with him. But it’s not my main reason for interacting.
@Reciprocity Just say like yeah that's nice, I agree with you. Then suggest going to do something worthwhile. Life is too short for extremes.
@Reciprocity -Ask them what their own biases are to gauge their self awareness and have them work on that. Introduce them to horseshoe theory and how their intolerance reads the same projection of the far right. Then let them know that most far left extremism historically aided fascism as much as the far right and centers their own privilege. Let them chew on that. Also telling them that it's okay to just shut the fuck up may accentuate the point!
@MBriatack1 lol excellent points. This is someone who has never done anything wrong in her life and everything is everyone else's fault. She'll insist she's the only human being without any unconscious biases. I think telling her to shut the fuck up is the best, most satisfying option.
@Reciprocity It is a lose-lose situation: interacting to counter or agree with such an individual. I've often compared such situations in much the same manner as dealing with a drunk person. You rarely if ever have a civil discourse. Religion and politics always seem to bring out strange/strong reactionary feelings.
@Victor very true. I think the best thing I can do is figure out how not to care what she says/thinks and not have such an emotional reaction to it.
@Reciprocity Things I learned as I get older in dealing with other people:
1. Men, instinctually...will almost always respond to try to "fix" things. Yes, mansplaining you can say.
2. Need to learn to "listen not just hear".
3. Anger rarely ever if ever resolves anything.
4. You cannot, should not try to change a person. Only one that can change is you.
5. Yes, being a hermit can make it easy but it can be isolating...
@Victor wise words, thank you!
Excellent comparison to a drunk. Pointless to try in both cases.
#extremes
@LnzyHou @Reciprocity Both left/right extremists are drunk with their own brand of Kool-Aid. Neither bring practical, down-to-earth solutions.
@Reciprocity Maybe just refuse to respond to that person? Like, don't engage...
@Ironworker229 I try my best not to engage since it wouldn't do any good. It just really makes me mad and the sarcasm is so tough to hold in sometimes.
@Reciprocity make them cite their sources... 😏
@Reciprocity i would pay them no mind
mostly for my own mental health
be kind to yourself, and merry xmas fren