@purrrism It's a start, at least now you can work with her routine. ^^ All of us have our own particularities in that sense.

@PaganMother
It is not a start... I've tried numerous versions of posters, charts, and planners. And a few phone apps.

After 4.5 years of being a step-parent, I still can't get her to clean her teeth twice a day.

Why? Because she is with us every other weekend and for half the school holidays only, and her biomother can't be bothered at her place.

@purrrism One of the troubles of being on the neurodiverse spectrum is maintaining routine. Little reminders like neon post it "To-Do" notes placed every day do help however. My son is 8 and my partner and I struggle to maintain a routine ourselves so we use hand held devices to set reminders repeatedly so we do not lose track of our tasks for the day and at the end of the day reward ourselves if we complete the full set of tasks we set.

@purrrism The troubles with maintaining a routine is that we do have object permanence issues, so if something becomes part of our surroundings, it kind of misses notice for us. So changing the notes, or replacing them somewhere different will kind of hit the trigger in our minds to remember and help us get back on track. If she has a mobile device, try using google tasks to help set reminders for her, even the alarm clock with a schedule attached can really be a big help.

@purrrism That's not to say you are lacking, mum. You are doing the very best you can, keep at it, something will catch on as a reminder for her eventually but it takes time to discover what works, and what doesn't.

@PaganMother you completely missed my point and provided unsolicited advice, which was utterly disrespectful.

@purrrism @PaganMother People provide unsolicited advice when you post things publicly. It's not typically done to be disrespectful, even though it is often annoying and unwanted.

It's a pretty standard cognitive bias that causes people to assume that if you are sharing, you want commentary, and they offer advice, because people are generally helpful and solicitous and have been taught that you're supposed to.

I'm not saying it's okay, it's just not a sign of evil and intentional disrespect.

@AskTheDevil

The disrespectful part is not reading a reply attentively and providing advice based on an utter misunderstanding / complete disregard of that reply.

Giving unsolicited advice and feeling good about being smarter and better than others I don't have an issue with. It's human nature.

However, because of the person's tremendous urge to feel good about themselves, I was not allowed the courtesy of having my reply considered thereby having my experience invalidated.

@PaganMother

@AskTheDevil

'I don't give a fuck what you said, I'm just gonna blah-blah-blah-blah because I think I know better and because I am so amazing. I will completely invalidate what you have said by disregarding it, but if you take offence, how can you - I am being so kind and helpful!'

No, I have zero tolerance for such behaviour, as this is what narcissists do, and I get immediately triggered. Just no.

@purrrism Free will! It's a helluva drug!

You have to decide what works for you, regardless of what anyone else says anyway.

...
...
...

That's my advice, anyway!

*Runs away, ducks, holds up tiny ineffective parasol

@AskTheDevil
I am not restricting anyone's free will, I am simply protecting myself when someone's free will is to hurt me. I think that's reasonable.

Why should I engage with someone so self-absorbed that they do not care about my part of the conversation, ignore it completely, and turn a discussion into a didactic self-indulging monologue that serves no purpose whatsoever other than them giving themselves a pat on the back?

@AskTheDevil
'You should do this and that, and this, and this is what I do, and it works, and I am so awesome!' - all despite that I had just said that things do not work because I am just a step-parent who has limited contact with the child and whose influence is thereby limited, as no one gives a fuck at the other household.
And I get a revoltingly condescending 'Not to say you're lacking, mum', for real? Sorry mate, but she can get fucked by her high horse.

@purrrism I was merely remarking you could do whatever you wanted with yours.

@AskTheDevil not really; tons of people do whatever they want with their free will, and look where it got us.

@purrrism Oh I think most of that has been people stealing, cheating, tricking, and beating the free will away from people. Mostly tricking them into giving it up or thinking they don't have it.

It's not that free will is the problem. It's a hot commodity. That's why there's forces that don't want people to have it.

Free will is pretty dangerous in the hands of the stupid, or maliciously deranged, though.

@AskTheDevil
This - your last sentence. It's a pretty spot-on description of today's reality.

@purrrism I think the chore is to get rid of stupidity, not free will, though.

@AskTheDevil yes, but getting rid of stupidity would be an incredibly long process, so perhaps temporarily limiting the free will would help mitigate and prevent the damage caused by that very stupidity while it's being dealt with?

@purrrism Sorry. I'm on the other side in that war.

@purrrism As I see it: it's not okay to take away a person's choice whether to like baseball or have baseball stuff.

But if they decide to hit you with a bat, you might take the bat, flee, or hit them with a bat of your own. That's not taking away free will, that's using _your_ free will to impose consequences for others if they affect you.

If you take away people's ability to _decide_, they just get worse at making decisions.

And you run into the problem of who decides what is right?

@AskTheDevil you just give everyone LSD. Problem solved. Worldwide utopia created.

@AskTheDevil also, you don't give bats to children. Their free will is controlled and contained until they grow, learn, and mature.

Some people just need to have it contained for a lot longer before they can be given a bat.