#CoSoConfession #Politics #July4
I was born and raised in Hungary. Lived in Algeria for three years as a teen. Been in the US since the mid-90s. For the two decades my country of origin was not shit, I was away from it and living in a US going to hateful hell. Now Hungary is openly shitting on freedom and turning fascist. Some elements of the US are, too. I dragged my feet on becoming naturalized and only did it out of fear, finally, in 2018. ++
As an immigrant woman, I don't even know what it is like to be welcomed and wanted or affirmed in a community. Meanwhile, my country of origin is a source of shame. I have a degree in American Studies and a doctorate in political science. Although my mediocre career was destroyed, my brain cells are still here and I understand what is happening, much better than most. I feel no patriotism. I read accounts of folks being proud of the US, and I feel alienated. ++
Not only do I feel alienated, I feel homeless. I can't go back because the country I left in the mid-90s really isn't there any longer. What came in its place is a dystopia. The US I chose in its place at that time, also doesn't exist any longer. I am lost. And July 4 is exceptionally apt at emphasizing that I don't belong.
@publickovacs I also cannot say anything that could make up for the isolation you feel and I am so sorry for that.
When my husband was naturalized in 2020, it was a simultaneous sigh of relief tainted by shame and disgust of what our country has descended into. He feels much of what you are feeling and I wish I felt better equipped to comfort him too.
@MotherDucker
Thank you. Sending solidarity to you and your husband.