Emotion/Psychological suggestion request:
I caught a lot of verbal abuse growing up, and the net effect is that I take nearly any criticism or raised voices as a reason to get into heated defensive arguments (irrespective of whether I’m right or wrong about whatever it is).
Has anyone found a way to help mitigate the hair trigger response kind of deal? I can always see it in retrospect and make apologies, but it’d be better all around if I could interrupt the reflex.
I see guidance like “take a deep breath” which isn’t within my ability when the ‘red mist’ descends. Any ideas?
@MookyTroubadour It takes practice. and recognizing it when it happens. It is hard to deprogram. first start on being able to acknowledge it is happening AS it happens. Anger will make some responses feel more appropriate. the rational mind goes away a lot when we're angry. when we've been raised to go nuclear for a spot on a dish. And we look back and think "I was out of line."
We just have to train different responses. Or in some cases, get out of abusive situations which reinforce them.
@sentientdessert I think I’m faced with someone close who has a similar kind of snap issue. That is to say, I don’t think it is abusive in either direction, but wow is it unfortunate and volatile sometimes when we set each other off.
In the past six months or so, I’ve been able a few times to be the one who keeps it together and diffuses the scene, but last week neither of us could and it’s shown me how much more there is to do. :/
@MookyTroubadour Do not take backsteps as a sign the problem's not getting better.
It can be depressing but doesn't really prove that it's continuing. If that were to become the norm, then it would be problematic.
But focus on the progress, and address the slip ups, but the slip ups are proof you're making some progress. You're able to identify them, and hopefully look back on them and see what happened.