Mom has Parkinson's dementia. It's a form of Lewy body dementia, the same thing Robin Williams had (more or less). Her brain is literally clogging with proteins & dying, bit by bit.
I don't blame Williams for ending his own life in the least. This shit is horrible. It's like living a horror story that gets worse every day.
Right now she's in a severe sundowning phase, with every single symptom: anxiety, agitation, restlessness, pacing, aggression, the works. She's currently locked up in a psych unit with a 24/7 sitter while they desperately try to find her a bed at a geropsych unit.
She's getting great care, at least; her providers and carers treat her with compassion & kindness, & seem as if they're up on the latest research & info re: her condision.
She was living at a memory care place but started attacking people, so had to leave.
Huh. Condition. Apparently I'm not spelling perfectly these days.
Easier to look at my own spelling errors than at the haggard, dying woman that is my biological mother, & the reality of her situation. Mostly I stay detached from it. It's fucking horrifying when I can't.
Mostly I'm sad, when I feel about it. Bone-deep, sorrow is my blood, kind of sad.
Nobody should die like this. Brain diseases are shit.
Saddest of all is that I've never had a good, healthy, honest relationship with my mother.
She spent most of my life drunk, inflicting her demons on the rest of her family. Some of the shit she's pulled over the years is so fucked up it's inexcusable. She is *not* a good person.
