I've been struggling mentally the past week. I did myself in, really. I met a gal and thought we made a connection. Now, I barely get any responses to texts. We had a phone chat the other night, and she sounded full of energy, and even sounded like she'd be interested in meeting up this weekend. However, when I try to get details, there's no response. I really got my hopes up with this one, but I'm starting to think that she'll just ghost me like all the others. Why am I unworthy of love?
@Gord02 you are talking about being unworthy of love in a week? Dating site or IRL meet? Is she an introvert? Have a job? Family? Friends? A life?
I was not a relationship counselor when I was in social work, but when I was in the dating game (I quit. It was exhausting) I found out men thought I connected with them because I listened to them and they decided it meant I was fascinated. I’m an introvert who presents more like an extrovert. I had a job, life, a family.
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@Gord02 Maybe she needs time to decompress. Maybe after a week of connection she decided that it’s just not working for her with you. I don’t really know, but I do know that being concerned about not being worthy of love after a week is a little extreme.
Do you have symptoms of depression? If so, have you considered seeing somebody about it? These are all shots in the dark.
Women tend to have more friends and and are not dependent him in for socialization. Is that it? 🤷♀️
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@J_Windrow The "unworthy of love in a week" bit is not the concern as much as this is just the latest in the ghosting trend. Every woman I meet, the cycle is the same. We chat, we meet, they ghost. The date goes smoothly, as far as I can tell. I'm me, not a representative of myself, but me. We chat for hours. There are smiles, laughter, common ground... and then nothing. Always with the vanishing act. This is why I feel unworthy. If you're not interested, just say so. Is it that hard?
@Gord02 I think you’re missing something on that “if you’re not interested just say, so is that hard?”
Do you have any idea how many women are attacked and killed over that? How men go gonzo on dating sites and send death threats? How women are afraid?
Shit, I get death threats on FB from men I don’t know.
Ghosting can be self-preservation for a woman. With all the misogyny out there no
woman wants to die for saying she’s not interested.
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@J_Windrow I'm aware of these scenarios. I get it. I honestly hoped that she saw my character enough to know that I'm not a psycho. Every ghosting just makes me feel like I'm unworthy. My confidence is in the negative. Self-esteem? Hardly. I can't be confident or have self-esteem when every encounter with a potential partner ends the same. I'm used to having experiments fail. I can learn from those. I can't learn from situations where I have no data. Ghosting provides me no data.
@Gord02 Taking a break here. Perpetual ghosting is a data point.
My late husband was a computer programmer. If the program keeps breaking then you recode the the program .
I didn't understand the languages he used, but I had expert pattern recognition skills and sometimes I got called in to find where it broke. Then the next place it broke. It is rarely one typo in a program. It's rarely one quirk in a human.
Find someone who can help you identify those patterns that are broken.
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@Gord02 Also, a week is nothing when it comes to meeting someone and making an evaluation of their character.
So many guys are in a hurry and feeling desperate for a connection. Men have fewer friends, fewer support outlets, etc and being needy can bleed through even though you're not aware of it.
Develop friendships into relationships. Look for someone who is interested in you. My daughter blew me off until it was the guy who became her best friend who is her life-partner.
Good luck.
@J_Windrow Got the rejection notice. It was nice enough, but it hurts all the same. I Tha ked her for the note, and stated how I was disappointed, but respected her decision, and wished her the best. I'm just so tired of never being good enough.
@Gord02 You have 2 teenage children. In fact, you have been good enough.
And there's no reason you cannot be enough within yourself. We do not need someone else to validate our value. In fact, no one can fill up our vacant spaces. We have to do that.
I'm not Buddhist, but I do recommend Buddhist style therapy/thought processes. If there is a Sanga in your area, see if you can trade some of your kick boxing time for time with a monk, mediation and learning detachment.
I'm serious.
@Gord02 I wish you luck on all this but unfortunately… I’m gonna have to ghost at least for a while because I have got a deadline to meet.
Anyway, if you don’t understand why women are afraid of saying this doesn’t work for me. I think you need to do a little more work understanding what it’s like to be a woman out there in the dating game today because men kill women.
I’m not saying it’s you I’m saying that it happens and it’s scary and you get to be the receiver of that.
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