I've been struggling mentally the past week. I did myself in, really. I met a gal and thought we made a connection. Now, I barely get any responses to texts. We had a phone chat the other night, and she sounded full of energy, and even sounded like she'd be interested in meeting up this weekend. However, when I try to get details, there's no response. I really got my hopes up with this one, but I'm starting to think that she'll just ghost me like all the others. Why am I unworthy of love?
@Gord02 you are talking about being unworthy of love in a week? Dating site or IRL meet? Is she an introvert? Have a job? Family? Friends? A life?
I was not a relationship counselor when I was in social work, but when I was in the dating game (I quit. It was exhausting) I found out men thought I connected with them because I listened to them and they decided it meant I was fascinated. I’m an introvert who presents more like an extrovert. I had a job, life, a family.
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@J_Windrow We chatted on a dating site and then met up in person. We had a great time. We hiked for hours chatting, smiling, and laughing. Then comes the ghosting. I always get ghosted. I don't know what it is about me other than the fact that I'm fat and bald. I don't know why every woman I ever meet just fades away. This is why I feel unworthy of love. Everyone just disappears.
@Gord02 when I used to do job counseling with people if they didn’t get the job, I used to ask them if they inquired why. Just sent a nice little note to the employer and said I really appreciate you considering me for this position. Is there anything I could’ve done during the interview that would’ve made a difference?
If you are always being ghosted and then you need to find out what’s going on with you.
When I met my late husband he weighed 400 pounds and was mostly bald.
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@Gord02 have you considered your counselor?
Are you dependent in relationships?
Have you considered the 12 step group codependence anonymous?
I’m just throwing stuff on the wall here to see if anything sticks.
I have a guy friend who is so codependent it’s amazing he can’t see it. And he always picks unattainable women, then can’t understand why it doesn’t work.
It seems to me that meeting people organically is better.
@J_Windrow I've been self sufficient the majority of my life. I'm not dependent on a relationship, but damnit if they don't make life more enjoyable. Especially in today's Hellscape, it'd be nice if I had someone by my side so I don't have to endure the insanity by myself. I had a therapist until I changed jobs and stated he doesn't take my new insurance. I'm not afraid of therapy, as I've spent much of my life talking with therapists. I've put the work in, but am seeing no benefit from it.
@Gord02 he was one of the most brilliant people I ever met. He was also blind, BTW. He was a great conversationalist. We had similar beliefs. It it took us months of casual communication to connect. Me to connect. I was not really interested in being more than acquaintances. He didn’t push. He knew I had a lot of balls in the air. I’m introverted so after an 80 hour week I wanted to decompress with my kid.
But he also wasn’t looking for a cute girl 20 years younger as happens nowadays.
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@J_Windrow I'm 6'2", 315 pounds, bald, and I have many interests and hobbies, including martial arts/kickboxing. I'm a Mechanical Engineer, and have been mistaken for being a salesman multiple times. I have sole custody of 2 teenage boys, so one could say I have my sh*t together. I'm kind to others, especially wait staff. Apparently none of any of that matters. I don't know what it is about me, but no one sticks around.
@Gord02 and there is no one in the martial arts/kickboxing community at all, who is a female who is in anyway the kind of person you’d like to meet?
I don’t know what to tell you, except maybe to sit down and talk with the counselor and see if you can get things figured out.
I am a great believer in organic connections and they take a LONG time to build. If somebody wanted to meet me, they would need to hang out at writing groups. And then it would take them months to get to know me.
@J_Windrow If I knew what my problem was, I assure you that I'd change my behavior.