Every person with bipolar is different. I can tell when I'm in a downcycle because I have an unbearable ache to be silent--I can't stand hearing the sound of my voice, or seeing any sign of myself in the world--& I'm furious with myself for not just going away & being silent forever.
It passes, & my downcycles used to be much, much worse, but when they come around they carry such history.
The trick is not being angry at all the waste.
Feed gratitude for still being here at all.
@MLClark Big hugs, As a BP2 sufferer, I can totally relate. I can see when the down has started but generally helpless to stop it. But the mania? I don't even realize I'm in it.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH BP2!
If we were BP1, *someone* would notice our manias much more easily.
But as it is, part of the reason it took a long time to get proper treatment was that I had this funny tendency to cancel appointments when I was in an upcycle. 🙃 I felt great and had energy to do All the Things! How could I possibly need help?
Right until the next crash.
🤗 Thank you for sharing, you lovely human you.
@MLClark I am glad for you as well!
Do you find yourself looking back at points in your life and realizing it was mania? And are embarrassed or upset over it?
Heck! Yes!
But it really only adds to my frustration when I see someone go on a racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, or other hateful bender, then blame it on their mania.
My dude in the cosmos, I say in my mind to them: that mania is only amplifying whatever shit you've already got going on under the surface. Sort your hate out and quit putting the blame for your shitbird speech on BP.
I can thankfully say that I've never been a hateful shitbird on a manic high.
@MLClark I would never think you could be a shitbird. 💜 But we all have sides,
I have never been hateful or anything like that due to BP. Like Fry's interviewee, I would take that pill in a heartbeat.
Thank goodness our BP doesn't leave us showing our ass to the world, then, eh? (Well, at least in that way... 🍑🤭)
@Graci
Did you ever see Stephen Fry's documentary on bipolar, when he was coming to grips with its role in his life?
Wonderful, thoughtful piece, but he's bipolar 1, and at one point he asked all of his bipolar interview subjects if they'd press a button that would make their condition go away.
All of the BP1s said no, they loved aspects of it too much.
But the one BP2 he interviewed? The person with deeper lows than highs?
In a heartbeat. Because our lows suck.
I'm so glad you're here. 💜