I almost cancelled myself on Saturday. I dropped the kids off to my Mum and then came home to do it.
I took myself to bed and lay there and stared at the ceiling for 3 hours. I was ready to do it when I came home, but I forced myself to bed instead and just lay there.
No one knows. I'm spiralling again. I'm tired.
@ACG2 thank you. I really appreciate the messages here of care and hope. My partner knows now and is helping.