I am 45 years old. I spent the first 38 years trying to make someone proud of me who, even if we were still in contact, never would be. Then I spent 7 years accepting that and grieving. It's a special kind of hurt when a parent and child just don't "fit" with each other.
I'm going to make ME proud of me. Despite all the times I've been accused of being "so proud of yourself", or not caring about other people "because you only care about yourself"... No. That was never it.
I've spent my whole life so far being TOO concerned about pleasing other people. Thinking I would be safe if I figured out how to keep other people happy. I'm ready to do what makes me happy, and spread that joy to others. And try to stop worrying so much (I'll still worry some) about the people who refuse to receive that.
As someone who grew up in an abusive, alcoholic home as a child, this very thinking is what I felt throughout most of my childhood. As an adult, I still fell victim to it, as I did what many abused children do, which is to surround ourselves with equally abusive people when we grow up. Took decades to get past that nonsense. I'm still in therapy.
@XaoslordErie We really need to build a world that doesn't brush off childhood trauma. There's too much choosing to be blind to it, ignoring it. The whole world would change if people actually valued children as much as they say they do.
@weirdfizz @XaoslordErie I agree.