Despite the fact that my older brother and I grew up on my parent's house, we had very different experiences and realities mainly due to the fact that my father really didn't like women much and he didn't like women he didn't conform to his standards of what a woman should be, especially a Black woman. He preferred his son but proceeded to try and forcefully mold him into the version of what he felt a Black man should be through the same brutal, abusive, and manipulative tactics.

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Growing up I was very much alone in how I thought, believed, and saw the world around me. I never agreed, never backed down, never believed the lies. I argued, I questioned, I fought back and got abused more often and with more force than my brother who obeyed and learned to agree.

I was always alone in my perspective of what family should be and of what a sibling should be. I was always alone in thinking that things should be fair and that love shouldn't be about control and submission.

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As I got older and more separate from my family, I was even more alone in the way I recalled my childhood. Because I was writing and keeping a detailed journal from the time I was 11, I wasn't susceptible to all the lies and gaslighting my family members tried to push. But I was still alone in my opinion of my parents and how they raised us. My brother grew to worship my father and "forget" most of the abuse and I seemed to be the only one who remembered and tried to hold them accountable.

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As I continued throughout my life it became normal for me to be completely alone in how I saw people and the world I moved through. I was always on the opposite side of almost everyone I knew in terms of the things I believed, the values I held, and the focus I had on balance, mental health, physical health, and spiritual positivity. I was always looked down on, mocked, sometimes hated, often bullied, and generally mistreated by my peers and adults alike throughout my whole life ...

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All for the horrible sin of believing in a better, more positive, more healthy way of living and viewing the world.

All for valuing fairness, accountability, honesty, and authenticity in how I live and expecting the same in return from those who I allowed into my life.

All for choosing realism over delusion.

For all of those reasons I spent 50+ years of my life almost entirely alone aside from a literal handful of good people in my life.

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I am used to being WAY OFF from everyone around me. I am used to being on the outs with everyone. I am used to being hated, disliked, getting death threats, being bullied, being mistreated, being abused ... I am used to feeling like I am the last sane person on the planet.

This has been my normal state of being for as long as I can remember ... "the only one" ... "alone" ... "hated" ... "misunderstood" ...

These words were my reality.

The world now is the way it's always been for me.

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Since I was in middle school I felt everyone around me existed in some alternative hell dimension where they seemed perfectly comfortable whereas I spent most of my days terrified of everyone around me. I went through a period in 7th and 8th grade that was more or less a nervous breakdown ... a mental break ... where I almost ended up in a "facility". I couldn't function, I was scared all the time, and everyone around me seemed like a beast, a monster, a devil ...

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Eventually ... thanks to Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus and others I learned to understand that my reality and everyone else's were different. That we existed on the same Earth but in very different realms of being. I came to understand that EVERYONE resided in their own reality and that we could never hope to understand one another no matter how hard we tried ... not completely anyway.

I learned to accept these facts and find peace in being alone and sane and good.

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The fight for reality is not one that anyone can win. You will only lose yourself in doing so. You can only fight for yourself and the reality where you reside.

The fight for goodness and light cannot be won by brute force ... only by a slow accumulation of like-minded people who aren't driven by negativity (which dims light) but by positivity, honesty, and selfness.

Fighting however many MILLIONS of people who believe in darkness, selfishness, and evil is also a waste of energy.

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Survival, I learned growing up, is about resolve, patience, knowledge, staying healthy in mind, body, and spirit.

I survived 16+ years of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse with no way out except to wait ... to be patient ... to grow my mental strength, to recognize the weaknesses of those in power, and to slowly find my tribe for support.

I had no power to change my circumstances growing up, I could only change myself and when it finally came time to rise ... I rose.

𝘐𝘧 𝘐 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘱, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭, 𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘱 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨.

𝘛𝘰𝘰 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘎𝘰𝘥. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩. 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘶𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵.

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𝘚𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺, 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩, 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘺-𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘎𝘰𝘥. 𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘶𝘴.

𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦 - 𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘰.

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𝘖𝘳 𝘸𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸 - 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘐𝘧 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘸𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘴.

- G'Kar (Andreas Katsulas) #Babylon5

𝘛𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯. 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥, 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘊𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘶𝘳𝘪 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘳, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘕𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘯. 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘏𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘯 𝘪𝘵, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘪𝘵. 𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴.

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'𝘞𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳, 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵.' 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴. '𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯.' 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶, 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘳. - Delenn (Mira Furlan) #Babylon5

𝘞𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘜𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥. 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘴 𝘪𝘵𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘜𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦, 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘵𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. - Delenn (Mira Furlan) #Babylon5

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We are the universe. Yes! This is ultimate reality. Everything is all, and that means perfection. "We" are perfect in every way.

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