The wonderful @mistressticia reminded me of a journal quote from the summer after I finished middle school.

𝘐𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘵 (our high school was across the street from our middle school) 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭.

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𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩. 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢 𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦.

Epictetus says: 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘭? 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯.

Embracing stoicism early in my childhood saved my life. Absolutely saved my life. It is what allowed me to survive horrible psychological and physical abuse not just from my parents, but from my peers, from strangers, from everyone I encountered in the world.

Whatever you need to survive your reality ... hold onto it, embrace it, commit it to your soul and make it who you are.

But most importantly ... have joy. Have fierce, powerful, and contagious joy.

Don't give up your light.

The two greatest threats to my life were being HONEST and being AUTHENTIC. Those two things made my parents the most angry, made my teachers feel most threatened, made my peers hate me, and make insecure white people the most afraid.

You would think that honesty and authenticity would be celebrated, that individuality would be something valuable but that has never been the world we live in. Empire hates strong individuals. It wants collective weakness.

Be true to yourself.
Be your own light.