If you were to ask my family they'd tell you that growing up I was a negative child ... that I had dark thoughts ... that I was pessimistic.
I think from their perspective that was absolute TRUTH. In their reality, what I was expressing brought those feelings out in them.
I had started to focus on and embrace #stoicism very early in order to deal with physical and emotional abuse (from them) and the rest of the world.
I talk about that here: https://counter.social/@thewebrecluse/109953679288754957
To me it was REALISM.
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My perspective was always on REALISM and the truth of my existence which, for them, was absolutely abhorrent.
I find this is true even online when it comes to people expressing the truth of their lives - especially BIPOC people.
Their reality is horrible for others to read about ... so much so that people will just flat out deny it's truth in fits of delusion and anger.
I talk about people living in different realities all the time because THEY DO. They aren't the same worlds AT ALL.
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Everyone's reality is specific to them ... it's DIFFERENT from others around them.
Think about people who live with #chronicillness or #disability or who are #neurodivergent or people who have #aphantasia or #faceblindness or whatever it may be.
Their worlds are, in many ways, impossible for you to comprehend living in and difficult for you to relate to.
The reality of living is different for everyone. You can only hope to scratch the surface of it ... but it doesn't make it less real.
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For many people and even my family ... my reality COULDN'T be real. My realism COULDN'T be truth.
That would mean that they would have to see something of themselves in it. That would mean they would have to face some kind of level of responsibility in what pain and misery I was expressing ... and there was no way in Hell that was happening.
This is true for those who deny the pain, hardships, and anger of others. They would have to recognize their contributions to it or their ignorance.
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Pessimism. Negativity. Anger. Fear.
These words are often used to DISMISS and DIMINISH the reality and truth that others are trying to express about their actual lives.
And yeah sometimes those feelings are dark and hard to read about and even harder to accept ... but it is someone's truth and someone's expression of their pain or their difficulties thriving.
It doesn't deserve to be dismissed or devalued simply because someone else is too cowardly to face it.
Listen. Believe. Assist.
@thewebrecluse I once told one of the step sisters about the abuse I went throught for decades from the Bitch aka," mother" and her response was, "Well, I never saw it."
ME: "just because YOU didn't see it, doesn't mean it didn't happen."
@thewebrecluse Thanks for your vulnerability in thread.
You've said so many important things here.
I am forced to apprehend how many times I've been complicit in people's pain because I was conditioned and encouraged to other them.
I want "Listen. Believe. Assist." to be my purpose statement.
@sumpnlikefaith thank you ❤️
I think "othering" is such a pervasive problem and, when coupled with willful ignorance, is a recipe for making other people miserable.
At the same time othering is important in recognizing that people's experiences day to day differ greatly sometimes from those around them, in ways that may be shocking for people to think about.
The other is someone to LEARN about. The other can TEACH you about yourself. The other can expand your knowledge. The other is epic.
@thewebrecluse Yes, well said!
I've brought up the problem of differentiation in conversations with mentors.
We've got this weird flip-flop between self and other.
We are never completely separate from each other (even when wilful ignorance tries to convince us we are). And yet we're never perfectly attuned (even when our bliss tries to convince us we are).
Curiosity growing out of the desire for empathy/mutuality gets us closest.
You've beautifully articulated the strength of diversity!
@sumpnlikefaith Thank you so much for such a positive reply. I really appreciate it! ❤️
The whole ... "life isn't like that FOR ME, therefore it can't possibly be like that FOR YOU" nonsense seems to be pervasive in places ... also along with the idea that there is something wrong with people who experience the world in x,y, or z way, because the world can't possibly be how they describe it ...
Oh it is.