I spent many DECADES of my life trying to adjust myself to others. Shifting my personality, communication style, and my appearance to be more tolerable to people who constantly told me how much of a problematic person I was.
You can't please everyone given that in everyone's individual realities, you appear differently. Everyone's version of you, including your own, is very different from the truth of who you are. I talked about this before:
https://counter.social/@thewebrecluse/109529025472906476
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There's a lot of qualities in myself that I like that most people hate and those tend to be focused around how I communicate and how I navigate the world.
There are qualities of me that are absolutely intolerable to certain types, genders, and races of people.
There are other parts of me that are confusing and frustrating to certain psychological profiles and education levels.
There are qualities that I used to think were bad simply because I was told that they were by others.
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My grandmother used to say you were lucky if you could count your true friends on one hand.
My definition of "friend" has changed dramatically over the years and very few people ever really reach that level with me because I will not compromise who I worked hard to become for reasons that are specific, personal, and necessary for me.
Most people want you to be comfortable for them not who you are, and their understanding of others is often limited by their own lack of self-development.
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Most people don't know themselves well enough to be able to know anyone else either.
Relationships that are solely about compromising aren't healthy ... the carving off of bits of yourself over and over in order to make things more tolerable for others and/or them doing the same ... isn't about understanding or actual compatibility.
How much do you have to remove before you become "compatible" with someone who simply dislikes you and likely themselves?
It's ridiculous and never-ending.
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One of the most powerful and enjoyable moments for me in #DevilJudge was a brilliant scene that Kim Min Jung slayed with such absolute epicness ... was when she asked Kang Yo-han ... "Can you be a little nicer to me?" ...
She's a brilliant psychopath trying to undo her own origin story even though she knows it's too late. This character was beyond broken ... beyond saving ... and even so ... her moments of self-awareness were so brutal and heartbreaking.
It's a masterpiece performance.
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And the answer to her question is no ... he can't be nicer to her ... because he hates her, he despises her, he doesn't trust her ... because of everything that is true about her and also because he's a terrible person himself. He believes only in his own righteousness (re: @Eulimnadia) so she is alien to him even though they're mirrors of each other. He won't understand her because that means admitting his own faults so instead her mistreats her constantly ... projecting his own self-hate.
Doing the constant, daily hard work to know yourself, to understand yourself, to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses etc ... takes you one step closer to being able to understand those same things in others ...
It doesn't mean you have to tolerate the intolerable or accept the unacceptable ... it just means that understanding is much healthier than judgment and protecting your peace is much healthier than hating on others or forcing them to change to suit your reality.