The hardest thing about recovering from an abusive relationship, particularly the emotionally manipulative and gaslighting kind, is that you can be doing really well and all of a sudden something hits out of the blue and it feels like all the progress is undone and you're rebuilding from scratch again. Its been 2 years of trying to recover from the emotional and physical damage. Just want to be me again, play shows and able to reclaim our confidence and sense of self. Deep breaths. Little steps