*4/4*

but I was at her house tonight while the nurse was there, and she found this bill and asked me about it. I did, what I now call “CYA’d myself,” and notified the rest of the family. Sometimes I can’t help but think that life would be less stressful without a conscience or compassion.

Was there a better way I could have communicated what I was trying to get across or is my SIL being her typical argumentative self and not really providing a solution?

@see_the_sus
They're trying to reassure you it will be paid and theyre alao a bit embarassed it's past due. The good thing is that One of your brothers said he would call & handle it. Somewhat frustrating I know but at least its being worked on. Ive been there it's stressful. Make sure you find a way to work through the stress and do some self-care before bed.

@see_the_sus
I think your questions and concerns are understandable and relevant. In my opinion, it sounds like someone needs to step up and completely take over her finances, which would be more than stopping by Mom's house and seeing what came in the mail. Bills should be mailed directly to this person. They should ideally have access to get checking account so that they can make payments for her. This person needs to be a POA. Insurance companies, lawyers, etc. would need a copy.

@DianeH

My mom has dementia as well but is in that “middle” area of being competent enough that we can’t make her move into assisted living.

My understanding was that Brother1 is handling all of her finances now. He and his wife just moved back a few months ago, I moved back a year ago. I handle her medical care. I’ve attempted to get all of us kids to have more open communication & it is getting but I think I’m going to need to call a meeting again.

@see_the_sus
Sounds like it. It's important to all be on the same page. With my MIL that wasn't always so, there was interference from a couple, but my husband and I were on the side of the majority. POA fixes things with both financial, insurance type stuff, but also with family, as POA is like the decider. There are several types of POAs. Financial or medical or both.

@see_the_sus
My mother gave POA long before she got dementia. If there isn't one now, good luck with getting one in place. Will have to be notarized as her being in sound mind.

With my mom, I'm across the US from my siblings. I'm pretty much in charge with great support. Well my one brother is an ass, but there seems to always be one.

@DianeH

I tried for years to get out as POA for her medical, while I was in IN but I got nowhere with Brother2 or her. Even since being back it’s gone nowhere. I can only do so much and as the youngest & only girl in the family, I get the least respect.

My therapist is helping me see that I am doing the best I can and to, basically, wash my hands of what isn’t my responsibility because I can’t control them.