The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse.

I'm going to grow some goth maize.

Or as I like to call it, corn on the macabre.

I wouldn't say that I'm a bad cook, but the other day I walked into my kitchen and saw a cockroach eating a Tum.

🤘🏻💀🤘🏻

When you're shy but still want to hold hands. #catsofcoso

My brain has many things to hold and no pockets.

The Wife: So...how big are you? 😏

Me: 5'10.

The Wife: No, I mean in bed. 😜

Me *thinks for a second*: Still 5'10, but sideways.

🤪 🐈

OMG HOW DESPERATE IS HE?!? TOY TRAINS?!? WTF?!?

https://www.hamiltoncollection.com/products/918043_ho-scale-president-donald-trump-electric-train.html

The only care
That I shall share
Shall be the care of others,
And on the road
I'll halve the load
Of overburdened brothers.
I rather guess
It's selfishness
That drives me to such actions,
For in this plan
I find I can
Forget my own distractions.

—John Kendrick Bangs

I plan to go to college and major in the study of volcanoes. I hope to eventually graduate magma cum laude. 🌋

The gods that we've made are exactly the gods you'd expect to be made by a species that's about half a chromosome away from being chimpanzee.

~ Christopher Hitchens

Ah, some nice warm Chai latte instant mix, courtesy of Mr. Poe. #writersofcoso

I'm bending reality to my will. Anyone need anything?

I shall now, and forever after, refer to this vehicle as the "deplorean".

"Trick or yeet!" I shout to the children as I open the door. "Yeet?" one says, confused. I shrug and say "Yeet it is" as I throw the child.

🐈

😂

💯

Temp of 101.4. I JUST fucking got over this, nonexistent-god damn it.