Just like the Cuban missile crisis was solved, his plan was to give Vladimir a boner.
I'D HAVE STOPPED THE CIVIL WAR IN FIVE MINUTES! I'D JUST HAVE PICKED UP THE PHONE, CALLED JEFFERSON DAVIS, AND SAID, "JEFF, CUT IT OUT!"
@mcfate I’D HAVE STOPPED THE CIVIL WAR IN TWO MINUTES! EASY! I’D HAVE JUST PICKED UP THE PHONE—A BEAUTIFUL, BIG PHONE, THE BEST PHONE—CALLED JEFFERSON DAVIS, AND SAID, ‘JEFF, ENOUGH! STOP THE NONSENSE!’ AND HE WOULD HAVE LISTENED, BELIEVE ME. HE WOULD HAVE SAID, ‘YES, SIR, MR. PRESIDENT.’ NO ONE ELSE COULD HAVE DONE IT, FOLKS! LINCOLN? HE DIDN'T EVEN TRY. BUT ME? I’D HAVE MADE AMERICA ONE AGAIN—WITH ONE PHONE CALL!”
I'D HAVE CALLED UP HITLER, AND TOLD HIM, "GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE SUDETENLAND, ADOLF! BEHAVE YOURSELF!"
@mcfate "AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WORLD WAR II—IT NEVER WOULD’VE HAPPENED IF I’D BEEN THERE! NO WAY! I’D HAVE ENDED IT BEFORE IT BEGAN, FOLKS! I WOULD’VE CALLED UP CHURCHILL, CALLED UP STALIN, CALLED EVERYBODY. I’D HAVE SAID, ‘GUYS, LISTEN, WE’RE NOT DOING THIS, ALRIGHT? LET’S SIT DOWN, HAVE A BIG MAC, TALK IT OUT, MAYBE A FEW FRIES—ALL ON ME!’ BOMBS? FORGET IT. INVASIONS? NOT A CHANCE! HITLER WOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE PHONE BEGGING ME, ‘PLEASE, MR. TRUMP, DON’T END THIS BEFORE IT STARTS!’