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JP  

The Disappearance of Toby Blackwood not only abides by Covid-19 restrictions but also dutifully skewers the Internet-based, conspiracy-minded lunatic fringe.

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0
JP  

If a Russian doll and a shaggy dog mated and named their offspring ‘found footage,’ the result would be Project Eerie.

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0
JP  

You wouldn’t want to drop a baby on its head, would you? Especially one that was born a few cards short of a full deck. Well, Red Camaro is what would happen if Baby Driver got dropped on its head.

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0
JP  

One Lyfe to Live is too derivative of the classic 'hood films' to be a worthy addition to the canon. Furthermore, it is too amateurish to be taken seriously, and too earnest to take itself lightly.

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0
JP  

The 2nd purports to make a statement about gun control, but whether it is for or against it, I haven’t the foggiest. About the only takeaway that one may glean from this movie is that dumb action flicks would do well to keep their mouth shut and appear stupid rather than open it and remove all doubt.

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0
JP  

Miley is like Shakira, Alanis, and Lana Del Rey all rolled into one tight, sexy little body and a raspy purr that could, to borrow Sir Mick’s deathless words, make a dead man come.

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1
JP  

I was a kid once. I get the Lost Boys-on-crack wish fulfillment power trip that fuels Children of the Corn, but since the movie has neither been made by nor for actual children, I can only conclude that by and for whom it has been made is the developmentally arrested, terminally immature set.

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0
JP  

Jovi & Lou is such a head-scratcher that they should have called it Head & Shoulders instead. Even the Lord, who works in mysterious ways, would watch this movie and go, ‘what just happened?’

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0
JP  

Was the pitch for The Pregnancy Project, ‘let’s see if we can find something for a teen girl to do that’s even dumber than getting knocked up’? If so, mission accomplished.

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0
JP  

You don’t have to be crazy to be a character in this movie, but it helps, since the whole thing smacks of the inmates running the asylum.

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JP  

The obvious point of reference set the bar so low that Even If This Love Disappears from the World Tonight superficially feels like the thinking man’s 50 First Dates; that is, of course, until you realize how little thinking actually went into its making.

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JP  

The Case of the Whitechapel Vampire opens with a disclaimer that puts the ‘moron’ in ‘oxymoron’: “This film is based on the stories of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, which is [sic] in the public domain, but it has not been authorized by any owner of any rights in the works of the author.” Talk about crossing your i’s and dotting your t’s.

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JP  

Here’s a quote-unquote war drama that heavily features a St. Bernard dog complete with the little brandy cask around its neck, and yet expects us to take it seriously.

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JP  

Pinball: The Man Who Saved the Game answers every possible question you could have about pinball except the most important one of all; namely, why should I give a fuck about pinball in the first place?

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JP  

Best Sellers is, to borrow a word that its script is very fond of, bullshite.

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0
JP  

The werewolf looks like Ozzy in the Bark at the Moon album cover — and that's the good news.

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JP  

The Broken Hearts Gallery only perpetuates the myth that there’s a lid for every pot.

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JP  

This film’s problem, other than being the Euro Disney to Gangs of New York’s Disneyland, is that it talks business but it doesn’t mean business.

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JP  

The script is ostensibly based on Lovecraft's “The Thing on the Doorstep,” but as the title change suggests, it doesn’t even qualify as a nominal adaptation.

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JP  

As far as Wolf of Wall Street knockoffs dealing with healthcare scams go, Pain Hustlers is more coherent and morally sound than the rambling, ignominious (and similarly titled) Body Brokers. That makes it better than Body Brokers (damning faint praise, I know), but it doesn’t necessarily make Pain Hustlers good in and of itself.

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