JP  

Not only is the title never once uttered, but “Paranoid” has as little to do with paranoia as Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic” with irony.

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

Sister My Sister is set in “France [,] 1932,” in an unnamed “small provincial town” where nobody speaks two words of French (the one French word they do speak is “maman”). Also, it’s “based on true events.” Oui, right.

ninetypercentcrapmoviereviews.

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JP  

When I see the words “Our Love Sleeps with the Fishes” at the beginning of Bridgit Mendler’s “Atlantis” music video, I can’t help thinking of Troy McClure’s “romantic abnormality” (i.e., “Those weird things they say he does down at the aquarium”).

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

Endangered Species is a movie about cattle mutilation “based upon available facts and evidence.” On the one hand, the facts and evidence that would support the film’s explanation for this alleged phenomenon are nil; on the other, the available facts and evidence that would reveal there is nothing mysterious that needs explaining are ignored. More like ‘based on cherry picking and argumentum ad ignorantiam.’

ninetypercentcrapmoviereviews.

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JP  

“But you never listen/Take my advice as criticism,” Girl in Red tells her love interest in “You Stupid Bitch.” Could it be because her so-called advice is criticism? And not very constructive, at that.

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

Here’s the alleged story of the man behind the band behind some of the greatest music ever recorded, and the music itself is conspicuous by its absence.

ninetypercentcrapmoviereviews.

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JP  

Just because Paris Hilton has the attention span of a goldfish doesn’t mean she has “ADHD.” She must have forgotten, while she was co-writing this song and later on when she recorded it, that her First World problems are even more meaningless than most people’s First World problems because she has a shitload more money than most people put together.

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

“All I Wanna Do” may be the “Every Breath You Take” of the 1990s — a massively misinterpreted massive hit.

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

Cover songs are like movie remakes. Some stick too close, some stray too far, and most are unnecessary. Body Count’s version of Suicidal Tendencies’ “Institutionalized” is the rare exception that not only improves on the original but arguably makes it redundant.

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

If I had to sum up Family Pack (original title: Loups-Garous) in one word, it would be the French word for Jumanji — which, as it turns out, is also Jumanji. The main difference is that Jumanji was based on a children’s picture book about a fictional board game, while Family Pack is based directly on a real card game; that is to say, Jumanji was slightly less uninspired.

ninetypercentcrapmoviereviews.

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JP  

I can’t believe I’d never noticed how dumb the lyrics to “Last Resort” are. Then again, maybe the stupidity was intentional. If nothing else, this song makes suicide sound really fucking lame.

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

Like Paula Cole before her, Erin Kirby invokes John Wayne as an ideal romantic partner (never mind that the Duke married three women, divorced two, was almost shot by one, and had plenty of affairs).

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

The two most important virtues a work of art can have are honesty and originality. “Loser!!” is halfway there.
!!
songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

The best thing I can say about Insanitarium is that it doesn’t stigmatize mental illness, but that’s only because the script is all the way over on the other side of that spectrum.

ninetypercentcrapmoviereviews.

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JP  

I don’t think writing a song is easy, but it must be easier when making words rhyme is more important than making sense within a given context.

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

If I had to sum up “Uh Huh” in a few words, I’d say it’s “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da” by way of “La La.”

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

Kreator’s “Death to the World” is a particularly lame example of environ-metal. Part of it is the silliness inherent to a German speaker writing song lyrics in a second language the nuances of which he doesn’t quite grasp.

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

This here song is country’s answer to Ice Cube’s “It Was a Good Day.” If the second single from his third solo album is Cube at his mellowest, Travis Tritt’s “It’s a Great Day to Be Alive” is so laidback it’s almost horizontal.

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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JP  

It’s very hard to take Demise seriously as a thriller, what with the sitcom coincidences and soap opera plot devices that range from identical dresses to identical twin sisters.

ninetypercentcrapmoviereviews.

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JP  

An outwardly silly, deceptively clever song that isn’t so much about the title character as it is about itself.

songreading.wordpress.com/2024

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