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Somewhere Tim Burton must be wondering why he can’t remember doing this crap.

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Frankenhooker is not a misogynistic, fascist movie; it’s a movie about a fascist misogynist (who is the protagonist but not the hero) who ultimately gets a lot more than just a taste of his own medicine.

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On the one hand you’ve got a string of symbolic murders, and on the other Bob Mitchum as a Colt .45-carrying, trigger-happy, wacko black-clad preacher. Gee, do you think he might be the killer?

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This time travelogue-cum-tough love letter to the city of Amsterdam is a slice of critical history with a side of juxtaposition and a bowl of extrapolation for dessert.

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The Pumpkin Man is a rather mediocre horror film — but then there is such a thing as ‘aurea mediocritas,’ and this movie might just fall in that category.

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JP  

Notorious Nick suffers from the same issue that plagues most, if not all, movies “based on a true story;” i.e., it’s littered with fabrications and omissions, both large and small.

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Iambic pentameter is as out of place in a 21st-century London setting as automobiles, helicopters, jets, TV screens, firearms, bombs, and impromptu MMA matches are in a Shakespeare play

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JP  

Next Goal Wins claims to be “inspired by true events.” I guess that’s kind of indirectly accurate; the movie clearly takes its cues from Cool Runnings, which also claimed to be based on a true story and whose connection to reality was also only tangential.

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Tyler Perry is nothing if not consistent, and Mea Culpa meets all his (sub)standards for contrived plotting, awkward writing and, of course, a lame, punny title.

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There is one word to describe History of Evil, but I don’t want to get sued so I’ll use a slightly different word: ‘shinning.’

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Ribblehead is a supernaturally-tinged neo-gothic psychodrama that demands patience and rewards it.

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Widow’s Peak is for the most part a damned good movie — among other things, because the actors have invested themselves into their characters, inhabiting them with such ease and comfort that they can’t help coming across as tridimensional individuals that we believe in as human beings.

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It’s fitting that the Mean Girls remake is a musical, because it recycles the original’s greatest hits one by one — from “fetch” all the way down to “getting hit by a bus” and everything else in between and beyond.

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The crux of the film is the odd coupling of two LA cops; one is supposed to be Japanese-American, and the other is supposed to be American-American. The really odd part is that the All-American cop is played by Swedish Dolph Lundgren, while the half-Japanese cop is played by part-Chinese Brandon Lee.

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No one lasts longer than two minutes with Frank Grillo, whose punches are so fucking lethal they literally prompt the X-Ray attack from Mortal Kombat.

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Fantasy anthology Immortal is a weird marriage of Highlander and The Twilight Zone. The resulting hybrid offspring has individual moments when it swings for the fences and hits the ball right out of the park, but on the whole it frustratingly settles for overcautious mediocrity. Hey, just because your premise is half-baked doesn’t mean you have to half-ass it.

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211 is one of those action thrillers that has no idea, or just doesn’t care, how Interpol works; then again, why expect differently from a movie titled after a section in the California Penal Code but set in Massachusetts?
#211
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Strange Way of Life is an anomaly of sorts for Pedro Almodóvar. Not because it’s an English-language western short, and certainly not because of its homoeroticism; it’s the underlying misogyny that’s a rarity for a filmmaker who’s always had a flair for writing strong female characters.

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This is a case where you hate the game and the Players. In theory, we’re supposed to identify with the main characters — feel sad and/or happy for them, as the case may be —, but that is next to impossible when you realize that they are running a serial date-raping ring.

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Double Blind is just like A Nightmare on Elm Street if we had no idea who Freddy Krueger is or what his motivations are, and weren’t privy to the characters’ killer dreams.

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